Keeper of the Python Lore

2003-06-11T20:16:00.000-04:00

The End

And a new beginning...

I've moved on over to my new place so be sure and update your bookmarks/blogrolls/what have you. This is the last post I'll be leaving on Blogspot, but I'm not deleting this blog...I'll keep it as a sort of OLD archives place...type thingy.

Sooo, yah. That's it from Blogspot. The banner ads have been amusing, but the constant flaws haven't.

See you at my new place! :D

-Mike

2003-06-09T12:43:00.000-04:00

Pardon My Dust

I'm in the process of moving to a new host, and MT is being a royal pain in the ass to install (sorry Marie), so my apologies if things are looking a little sparse here for a short while.

If anyone knows how to find out where mysql.sock is located on a localhost...uh...lemme know.

--Mike

2003-06-06T13:24:00.000-04:00

Crash In the Heavens

Well, apparently the sun.exe program suffered a fatal error, because rain.exe is running continuous iterations over here. I'm not sure what Notorious_GOD plans to do about it, but he better get his tech support straighted out posthaste...

So you can imagine I'm not in the best of moods today. It's "yucky" outside (as described by out local meteorologist...Timmy), and my alarm clock didn't go off so I missed the "early" screening of Matrix Reloaded and now I just don't want to go. Going to the theater at the "good mall" really sucks after about noon, because all of the little kiddies are there and their braindead parents always take them to R-rated movies...at least the R-rated movies I want to go see.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much...the "good" mall around here is also the mall at which all of the cute Asians hang out. Nary a single one among 'em, naturally, but hey, a guy can dream.

Ah well, I suppose I should get back to beta testing. Talk at y'all later.

-Mike

2003-06-05T18:17:00.000-04:00

Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

The scene: I'm at work, cleaning my work space after finished preparing all of the items I was slated for. The department bitch is walking my way with a dirty fucking pan. Cue the classic devil and angel, one per shoulder, to guide me on my path for good or ~~fun~~ evil.

Me: *thinking* She is not going to put that fucking dirty pan on my nice clean table. There is no way she is going to put that pan on my table.
Devil: Trip her ass before she puts that on your table. She's the bitch nobody likes; nobody will care!
Angel: Hey now, don't be so hasty. I bet she passes right on by to put that thing where it belongs. You watch.

I ignore her...and the bitch puts the pan square on my table while she digs around in a drawer...a drawer in the dirty table across from mine.

Me: *thinking* Oh hell no she did not just do that.
Devil: She's asking for it, man! It's so obvious you're just finishing cleaning this table! It's shiny and clean and everything! Knock that pan right onto the ground!
Angel: Now now, maybe she just didn't realize. You know how she is. I mean it's UNLIKELY even she can miss something this obvious, but it could happen! Just ask her nicely to remove the pan.
Me: Uh, excuse me. Could you take that dirty pan off my table? I just finished cleaning it. Thanks. *forced smile*
Bitch: *snotty attitude...as usual* *sigh* Well where do you propose I stick it?

Uhhh....

Me: ... *notices supervisor behind her waving her hands frantically in the classic 'No-no-no!' gesture*
Devil: Oh come on!! How can you miss a setup like that?!
Angel: *thinks* Hmm...he's got a point.

...

So five minutes later the bitch is off somewhere being all indignant and shit and I'm sitting in the office with my supervisor...who is laughing so hard she is red in the face.

Supervisor: *between fits of laughter* Okay, I have not just spent the past five minutes laughing, you hear me? I've been in here reprimanding you. Got it? Good, now go finish cleaning your table and-no, don't you DARE start me laughing again! Just go, okay? Good. *snickering*
Devil: Bwahahahaha.
Angel: Maybe next time you should just trip her...?

-Mike

2003-06-03T13:18:00.000-04:00

Green Machine

So some of you are probably wondering why my Zonkboard now looks like something Slimer^TM would have on his wall. This would be because I've changed it to fit in with the new layout I'm putting together, so don't be alarmed. :D

This also heralds the beginning of the end for my time on Blogspot. While I must admit that the banner ads here have been amusing, the hassle of having to try 3 or more times to get my page to load coupled with the fact that Blogspot just doesn't support very many features. I plan on taking my toys and moving over to doteasy, where they have a pretty decent plan I'd like to take advantage of.

Thus far I plan on keeping this blog here...but more as an archive than anything else (because bringing the archives from here to the new blog would just be another pain in the butt).

Don't worry! I'll be putting a link up to the new blog (which will be much, much better, I promise you...yes, Joz, I will have MT installed), before I make the move. If you're looking for some sort of ETA, well, I'm planning on having this done by the end of the month...sooner if I can get my act together.

Anyhoo, time to go get cracking on a few jobs I've been putting off, not to mention getting in some hot beta action.

-Mike

PS: Here's an old screenshot of one of the middle stages of the layout so you can get a general idea where I'm heading: Miketrix

2003-06-02T22:40:00.000-04:00

The HTML Gods Are Angry...

Well, I did a lot more work on my new site design than I thought I would do today. I think I worked on it for a good 6-7 hours straight. No, it wasn't all coding, you goobers. I was also creating images to make it all purty-like. So I wrapped up my test sheet, uploaded it to some webspace, and sent the links to a few of my friends...

And wouldn't you know it? The first 2 people I showed it to said it wasn't showing up right for them. *sigh* The next 2 people said it was working...and it looked great. Yay! Now why the hell isn't it showing up for those other people correctly? Even though they're using the same browser I am!!! *shakes fist*

Anyway, I think I've done more than my share of productive "stuff" today, so now I'm going to go be a good beta tester since I finally got the CD's for the game in the mail today. Huzzah! I met the UPS guy at his truck. :) I'd tell you what I'm testing...but then I'd have to shoot you, and I'm not sure how to work these newfangled laser pistols yet.

-Mike

2003-06-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

Relax, Don't Do It...

Don't you just hate those mornings where your head is pounding because you've been up all night goofing off to cheer up someone you care about? And your mouth tastes like you stuffed the entire contents of your pillow down your gullet? And you have this indescribable urge to kill the Malaysian Prime Minister?

Okay, so that last was mostly because I woke up when Zoolander was on, but you get the picture.

Ah well, I suppose I should be happy. The sun finally came back from it's World Tour ^TM and it seems it's finally ready to resume it's work over here on the East coast. The lazy bastard. *shakes fist at sun* You better not take another hiatus like this last one, you hear me? You CAN be replaced, you know...

Anyway, time for me to finish up some chores I've been putting off (like eating...go figure), and then get to work on a new layout I've been putting together for this blog. I still haven't decided whether I'm going to unveil it here or wait until after I get a new host (because Blogger is seriously pissing me off). Whatcha think? If I put it up here I'll have to keep a bunch of features off of it since Blogger doesn't support, well, pretty much anything but the basics. If I go ahead and set up on a new server you'll have to deal with the fact that I don't know anything about MT (Moveable Type...a powerful blogging tool for those of you who are unaware) and I'll need to take some time to learn it before it's ready to go live.

Ah well...at least it's looking good here on my hard drive so far. :D

-Mike

2003-06-01T19:58:00.000-04:00

Here's to Nothing!

Well, I just finished another slice of cake...effectively undoing the workout I did yesterday. Whee!

I've also been spending pretty much all of today playing Final Fantasy X, which means I've completely wasted all of this time that could have been better spent learning XHTML and CSS. I'll probably take some time after I'm done with this entry to read a few pages to somewhat atone for this, since it is something I genuinely want to learn, but it's also likely I'll be back playing FFX after a half hour or so. *look of chagrin...but also mischief*

In other news, I'm still feeling all achey from the party preparations yesterday, so you'll most likely find me on AIM or Yahoo or whatever because it's just a bother to move just now. :D

Oh, and did I mention the bloody rain's back? That's right. The sun came out for a surprise guest spot yesterday to let us all that it's still here but it's got a pressing engagement over on the West Coast it had to make, whereupon it was shoved aside by a pack of vicious thunderheads which savagely beat our neighborhood into loyal submission throughout much of yesterday afternoon on into evening.

I ignored it and played FFX, of course.

-Mike

2003-06-01T00:47:00.000-04:00

I'm Too Damn Young to Feel This Damn Old

So my brother's graduation party was today...*sigh*. It's just no fair that I'm more depressed about it than he is about it all. Sheesh, he's the youngest in the family and he's through with high school. DAMN that makes me feel old.

I guess I shouldn't mention this out loud...those flocks of old ladies might start attacking again.

2003-05-30T18:09:00.000-04:00

Divine Programming

I think I figured out why the sun's been gone for so long...

User Notorious_GOD logged on at 8:34pm.

c:\
c:\light.exe
Error: File not found.
Abort, Retry, Fail?
A
Error: File not found.
Abort, Retry, Fail?
A
Error: File not found.
Abort, Retry, Fail?
F
c:\
c:\cd weather
c:\weather\
dir

Directory of c:\weather\...

blood.exe
flood.exe
frogs.exe
hail.exe
hurricane.exe
rain.exe
rainingmen.mp3
sleet.exe
snow.exe
sun.exe
tornado.exe
tsunami.exe

total of 12 file(s) in 0 folder(s) in weather.

c:\weather\
c:\weather\sun.exe

Error: sun.exe cannot be executed because rain.exe is already running.

c:\weather\
c:\weather\stop rain.exe

Error: Invalid command "stop"

c:\weather\
...
...
c:\weather\c:\smite\stopthefuckingrain.exe

Rain stopped.

c:\weather\
c:\weather\sun.exe

The sun comes out.

c:\weather\
c:\weather\cd..
c:\
c:\rejoice.exe

And there was much rejoicing....YAYYYYY!

User Notorious_GOD logged off at 10:49pm.

It's only a theory...

-Mike

2003-05-29T15:54:00.000-04:00

I Will Not Post About Rain...I Will Not Post About Rain...DAMN!

Okay, so I'm going to post about the rain.

It has been raining here for...okay, I can't remember how long it's been raining. There was a momentary pause yesterday when this big, giant orange ball of fire appeared in the sky for a few moments, and that had all of us concerned, but the rain is back, and our lawn is going fucking crazy. You can almost picture them sticking tiny green tongues out and catching droplets and making little, smacking sounds of satisfaction. We've had to mow it three times in the past week because of all the rain it's getting. Have you ever tried mowing your lawn when it's soaking wet? It is NOT fun.

The other day I had this conversation with my dad:

Me: So...when do you want to get started?
Dad: On?
Me: The Ark. I think we'd better shake a leg, y'know?
Dad: I'll get the circular saw.
Me: Are you crazy? You'll electrocute yourself out there.
Dad: *nods* Good thinking. Handsaw it is. Hmm...*wets finger and raises it*
Mom: *totally bemused thus far* What in the hell are you doing?
Me: *sighing in resignation* He's seeing if the wind is right to tell the difference between a hawk and a handsaw, Mom.
Dad: *beams idiotically*
Mom: ...What?
Me: *rolls eyes* Nothing, Mom.
Mom: Hey, when is Joz going to come over for dinner? (Note: Inside joke)

So, yah. Thinks have been really disgusting around here, lately. Save me. Please.

-Mike

2003-05-29T01:08:00.000-04:00

Hairdressing Tips

I've told this to a few friends, but I figure it's good information that should be passed along to all (both) of you as well...

I went to get a haircut today because I was starting to look a little shaggy (like, ZOINKS!), but I should have known better than to go at the time I did.

Tip: Never, NEVER let a hairdresser work on you who is close to going on his/her lunch break.

All I can say is, I'm glad I was getting a razor cut anyway, because I think she would have done it that way regardless of what style I was looking for (see pic of the day). The whole thing was done in less than two minutes, and I left feeling oddly like I should be walking on all fours and going "Baaaaaa!" at people.

And wolves. I was scared wolves were going to come get me for some reason...

Anyway, it's done and over with. What do you think?

-Mike

2003-05-28T16:57:00.000-04:00

I'm Amazed I Can Type

Well, according to this test that Joz brought to my attention, I'm a wee bit color blind. Who knew?

So take THAT all of you people who made fun of me in high school. It was my being color blind that made me dress like a dork...not my bad taste. :D

-Mike

2003-05-27T17:34:00.000-04:00

They Love Me in Florida

Apparently I am just irresistable to the elderly. Again, I am forced to say "What in the hell?" today as they continue to bemuse and befuddle me...

Today I was at work and this old granny with a walker breaks the look of intense concentration she has (placing one foot in front of the other) long enough to say "Hiya, hot stuff" to me before I walk past.

What. The. Fuck?

I mean, honestly, I'm not wearing any new body spray or styling my hair differently or anything. WHAT is going on? Is there some e-mail going around the net about me? Am I the victim of some disgusting joke? *shudder*

Joz, if you're behind this, you'll rue something-or-other when I find out. And I don't mean the plant. *shakes fist like an arthritic geriatric*

2003-05-26T18:37:00.000-04:00

When Game Shows Collide

Alex: Okay, it's over to you Jeff. Pick a category.
Jeff: Thanks Alex, I'll take "Kitchen Implements" for 600.
Alex: All right, and-uh oh! Looks like you landed on a Whammy.
Jeff: *blank* Uh...what?
Alex: It's a whammy, Jeff, that means you lose all the money you've accumulated thus far. Very, very sorry. Sandra! You're up n-
Jeff: *incredulous* What in the f*bleep* is a whammy?!
Sandra: Let's see, I think I'll go with "Brick Colors" for 8-
Jeff: *turns to Sandra* NO! Oh hell no. You're not picking any f*bleep*ing categorey until I get some f*bleep*ing answers!
Alex: *bemused* This is Jeopardy, Jeff, we give you the answers. You have to provide us with the proper question. Okay, Sandra, you-
Jeff: Yah? Well I'm about to turn this into f*bleep*ing Family Feud! *starts throwing punches*

I think I'll tune in for that one.

-Mike

2003-05-26T02:39:00.000-04:00

I Thought I Looked Young For My Age?

I have GOT to stop mentioning old people on my blog.

Today I was visiting my site to see if anyone left comments (*crickets*) and saw this link in the banner over my site.

I tell you, banner ads may be annoying, but mine never ceases to amuse me.

-Mike

2003-05-24T22:14:00.000-04:00

Webcam Goodness

I figured out how to get my webcam running through Yahoo Messenger, so if any of you use yahoo Messenger version 5.5 you can see me (miwright21). Don't worry, it's safe. Promise.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

2003-05-24T19:14:00.000-04:00

Strong To The Finish

An actual conversation between me and my mother:

"Can I have some ice cream now?"
"No, eat your spinach first."
"Oh, come on, I hate spinach."
*shrug* "Eat it or no dessert."
"Dad wouldn't make me eat it."
"Well, I'm not Dad now, am I?"
"You're mean."
"I don't care, mom. You need your iron."

We found out several years ago that my mother was anemic. She was supposed to start taking iron pills (iron deficiency being the main problem), but you know how stubborn parents can be. After the first few weeks (maybe even just the first few days) she stopped taking them because "she didn't like them." No amount of cajoling or whining on our part (the rest of the family) could get her to take them. Instead she would just chew on an ice cube practically every day. (NOTE: Constantly chewing on ice cubes is one sign of iron deficiency...she would come home from work, let the dogs out, then go straight to the freezer for an ice cube to chew on. That's when you know it's bad.)

This past week, it all finally caught up to her. Thursday she passed out at work and was taken across the street (she and I both work at the local hospital) to the emergency room. By that time she was fine, upright and conscious again, so she got to sit in the waiting room with my father and sister for several hours while they took the "more serious" cases (did I ever tell you about the time we admitted some guy who was..."stuck"...to his cat? GOD I hate this town.) My father, by the way, seriously needs to work on his phone openings...

Me: Hello?
Dad: Hi, can you bring [your brother] down to the emergency room? He can drive my truck home so I can take your mother's.
Me: What?!

Anyway...6 hours later she's home and now we know that her anemia has gotten more severe...mainly because she didn't take her iron pills. Telling someone "I told you so" has never felt so devoid of vindication or satisfaction. It's now at the point where the doctors are not sure whether pills will be able to "fix" it. She'll be going in for tests on Monday. At least I get to harass her about the fact she has to bring in a "sample".

Do you see what happens when you don't listen to me? Things just get worse. So, buy me something from my Amazon Wishlist and maybe you'll save yourself from some horrible fate later. Okalie-dokalie?

-Mike

2003-05-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

Think I'll Go Eat Worms

It's been one of those days. Blech. You know, where just about everything goes wrong, it feels like everyone's ignoring you, and you just need some loooove? Work sucked. I've had a headache since I woke up that prevents me from reading (which is HORRIBLE for me, since one of my favorite things to do is read). The Sim City 3000 game I...acquired...doesn't work properly (a minor issue...the sound is jumpy...but I HATE that).

And my stomach is funked up so I can't do my situps tonight so I'll end up being a big, fat cow inside of a week.

And I have to work this weekend. And I wanna go see Reloaded again but don't have the time. And I'm a social pariah wookin' pa nub. *sniffle*

And my neck is killing me and the more I think about it I think it's because of stress and not because I may have slept wrong a few nights ago. And my mommy is sick because she didn't listen to us (her family or doctor) and take her damned iron pills so now her anemia is worse.

And telling her "I told you so" isn't as fun as it should be.

And now I'm filling my blog with this craptacular hooplah because I'm too much in a "blah" mood to provide anything funny for you guys. *grumble*

-Mike

2003-05-22T18:55:00.000-04:00

Blogspot's Spotty Performance

It is just me, or do you other people have to keep refreshing this blog in order to get it to work? It seems like every other time I try to go to this blog I get an "Unavailable" error message until I reload it once or twice.

Not to mention the fact that it looks like that nice yellow sidebar I had once a upon a time has been slowly disappearing piece by piece ever since I started this blog up.

I think it's definitely time I started looking for a new place to call my home. Since I was doing research earlier to help a friend of mine out, maybe it's time to use that research for my own benefit.

Of course, I'd rather not have to pay to do it. *grumble* Any of you folks have any suggestions? Or about 50 mb worth of spare web space laying around you're not using? lol.

I'll probably be here for a while to come yet...I still have much to learn about XHTML and CSS, and I'd rather not start up somewhere else until I can put a decent design up for you guys to look at while you sift your way through my ramblings. I am, however, going to be keeping my eye out. Feel free to help me in my search.

-Mike

2003-05-22T15:04:00.000-04:00

She Swallows!

Once again, another crazy-ass link provided by that enigmatic banner on my site. One has to wonder what in the hell some people are smoking...

Swallowing Puppet

-Mike

2003-05-22T13:09:00.000-04:00

Over-loaded

Once again I'm sitting here thinking about going to see it. I've seen it once, but anyone who's seen it can tell you that once is not enough. I work the next three days...so my next chance'll be Monday. But...but...it's all rainy out there today. I really don't feel like driving through it for 20 minutes (the closest GOOD theater is about 15-20 miles away). I think I'll just hold off until Monday and spend most of today walking around in sunglasses and bumping into things a lot.

Or I could get off my ass and continue studying XHTML and CSS.

Or I could keep playing with the Microsoft Visual C++ program I got the other day to help a friend out with a "problem". C++ programing can get so addictive. No, really.

Or I could just be a lump all day and play Battlefield 1942, Everquest, Return to Castle Wolfenstein, etc. Nah, I'd never forgive myself then. Stupid morals. *pout*

-Mike

2003-05-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

"Weird" News

Good news for all of you "Weird Al" fans out there. His new CD was released today and from the bits and pieces I've heard, it's going to be another hit. In this CD he parodies songs like "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys, "Hot In Here" by Nelly and "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.

One song that's sure to be heard throughout offices and schools alike this year is his "Ode To A Superhero" which is a song about Spiderman set to the tune of Billy Joel's "Piano Man". Here's the chorus:

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight.
'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now
And there's evil-doers to fight.

There's also the requisite Polka bit that takes an amalgamation of Pop culture hits and kicks them into high gear. Very enjoyable. :)

So....yah, if you're a fan, you'll love this new CD. If you're not a fan, give it a listen anyway because I'm willing to bet you'll be grinning from ear-to-ear over a few of these parodies. :)

(NOTE: "Weird Al" gets permission from the artist(s) involved before publishing these...I'm still amazed over the fact Eminem gave him permission to parody "Lose Yourself". I guess he's not such a bad guy after all. :D )

-Mike

2003-05-19T23:40:00.000-04:00

Stand up, Mutha!

Thanks to Sheeeela (friend of mine) for pointing this out to me. It takes a little while to load, but it's worth it. "Slightly" political in nature, but don't bitch here because of it. I can't stand political rants.

Enjoy!

-Mike

2003-05-19T14:11:00.000-04:00

Little Old Ladies: 2 Mike: 0

What the hell is it with the "elderly" these days? First there's that one incident a few weeks back with the old lady flipping me off in her car. Then there's today.

I was walking along the bike trail on my way to the mall (it's nice out and I like to take whatever exercise I can get). I was on the right side of the bike trail, which is where you're supposed to be if you're a pedestrian, minding my own business, enjoying the warm sun and the slight breeze and the fact that my sinuses were not raising bloody hell even among all of the pretty weeds along the sides of the trail.

And then I hear a cracked, aged voice shout "Watch it, hot buns!" from behind me, and a bell rings, and I swear to you, this 70-year old woman goes zooming by on my left. There was a quick vision of blue hair, wrinkles with wrinkles, a face only a bulldog could love covered with Raybans and one of those "professional" biker's helmets, and then she was past. Grandma on a mountain bike. Miss Geriatric BMX.

So I stopped. Awestruck. That didn't just happen. Wait, did she just call me "hot buns"? What the hell?

I don't know about you folks, but this is a bit of a disturbing trend. If you think about it, 30-40 years from now we'll have grandparents who listen/listened to Snoop Dog. Can you imagine? You'll be sitting there having dinner with your grandfather, and he'll get to talking about the "old days"...and how your grandmother was "one fly ho" and if you had any respect for your elders you'd respond to all of his requests with "Fo' shizzle ma nizzle!"

Of course I'll miss out on all of that because I'll still be sitting in front of my computer trying to teach myself whatever the new web design technique is for that time period. Ugh.

-Mike

2003-05-18T17:38:00.000-04:00

Pleasant Valley Sunday

Okay, so it's raining, and I don't live in a valley. Shut up.

Today is kind of a "blah" day. Of course, after finally seeing Reloaded a lot of things are blah for a little while. :) I'm sitting here designing (or at least attempting to design) a new layout for this blog, and trying to figure out how to get it to mesh with Blogspot since, well, Blogspot is relatively lame. I have most of the framework in place...I just need to get to work on the actual VISUALS. You know, pictures and junk. That part's easy, though. It's trying to get what's in my head down in HTML form that's the pain in the ass. So if you see things start looking, well, worse than usual around here sometime next week, it's just me trying to be all cool 'n stuff.

Oh, go ahead over to Helen's blog and have a look. She's re-done a lot of it and it looks fabulous. Gosh, that picture in the upper left sure looks nice, doesn't it? *wink wink* *tooting own horn*

-Mike

2003-05-17T16:25:00.000-04:00

Oops, I Reloaded In My Pants!

Yes, I finally got to see it. Yes, you will be soiling yourself when you see it. No, I don't recommend getting a large drink or any type of food at the concession stands. Just a small soda to keep your mouth from drying out when it's hanging open all the time...

No, I will not be posting a review on it...because I do not want to ruin anything for anyone who has not yet seen it. Just go see the damned movie, okay? And make sure you stay past all of the credits, regardless of how many theater attendants are standing near the exits tapping their feet impatiently. You paid money to see it, you make sure you see all of it. Got me?

Right now I'm looking at my wallet seeing if I have the moolah to see it again Monday. I have one thing to say about it now (I will post a more thorough review in another week or two, maybe): Revolutions is going to have to work really hard to top this one, and I just hope they can keep the quality up to speed when they try...because it will take a LOT.

"Whoa..."

-Mike

2003-05-16T18:55:00.000-04:00

NO PANTS FRIDAY

It's Friday, it's been the week from hell, and I'm so ready for No Pants Friday. I think the following for this event has fallen off somewhat since Chris first introduced it a while back, but I'll have to hold to the tradition myself if I have to. God, after the week I've had I just feel like running around nekkid (no I won't post it, stop looking so horrified).

I'm debating on whether or not to go see Reloaded tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm actually going to a party tomorrow evening for like the first time in...um...a really long time, right? So I'm wondering if it'd just be better to wait until Tuesday to have my mind leak slowly out of my ears.

And yes, before anyone else says anything, I'm staying until the credits are over...k? Just please, PLEASE do not post any spoilers on my site. I really want to go into the movie without knowing what happens, sort of like I did the first one. So far I've successfully avoided all of the big spoilers and reviews, so just let me remain blissful in my ignorance until Monday, okay? Tenk yew.

All right, time to lose some clothing. Talk at you all later.

-Mike

2003-05-15T20:54:00.000-04:00

Check the new hood ornament...nice pecker, eh?

As if today wasn't going to be bad enough...

So I was already semi-melancholy since I'd be missing out on seeing Matrix: Reloaded on opening day, meaning I'd have to listen to people tell me how fantastic it is until I actually get the chance to see it (gloating bastards). Then my morning got worse.

I was maybe 1/2 mile from my house when it happened. Oh the horror. It must be recounted in slow-motion detail.

Me, in my old-farts-mobile...traveling at a stately 30 mph down the road....

Miscellaneous shit-bird...sitting in the middle of said road, apparently examining the gravel for any leftover bits of...well, just bits in general...

Me, noticing said bird, thinking "It'll probably wait until the last minute to fly away, like all the rest of the shit-birds around here..."

Shit-bird...looking up at the oncoming car...probably thinking "Hmm...what a piece of junk...I wouldn't shit on that car..."

Me, thinking "Fine then, I'm not slowing down...who cares if I'm already 10 minutes ahead of schedule, it's the principle of the thing. It'll move..."

Shit-bird, goes back to looking at imaginary "bits" on the asphalt, probably thinking "He'll slow down.."

Me, thinking "Holy shit, it's not moving!"

Shit-bird, thinking "Holy shit, he's not slowing down!"

Me, putting foot on brake...

Shit-bird, spreading its wings...

*THUNK*

*Explosion of feathers*

...
...
...
"That fucking bird didn't move!!!" *sob*

Yes, a few real, actual tears fell from my eyes because I hit and killed (pretty sure I killed it...either that or there's one friggin' naked bird sitting dazed by the roadside out there) a parasitic, filthy shit-bird...probably a pigeon.

*sigh* I am such a goober sometimes.

-Mike

2003-05-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

Do Not Try to Understand the Blog...That Would Be Impossible...

So I went ahead and updated the picture today with another in the series of Neo-me pics. Feel free to laugh your asses off, but I thought I looked pretty kick-ass until I saw the picture. :P

And just in case you missed the other ones, here are a couple of them: (EDIT: Apparently my web space ate them...I'll see if I can find them somewhere).

Also, for those of you looking at this page in 800x600 resolution....why?! Change it to 1024x768 you freaks. I'm not conforming to your blind ambition! Muahahahhahaha.

-Mike

2003-05-13T19:48:00.000-04:00

*Expletive Deleted*

Okay, the next few days are probably going to be dead here, because I'll either be at work cussing at my supervisors or at home wishing I wasn't going to work the next day. In case you're one of those bastards who can't be bothered to scroll down and read previous entries, this is hell week for me at work since I'm taking up the slack for a few people who went on vacation. *shakes fist* They'll rue the day. Rue it, I tell you. And not the plant, either...

Anyway, PLEASE feel free to catch up to me on AIM when you see me on in the evenings. Chances are I'll be looking for a distraction from the inevitable, and I can't keep bothering Joz and Helen endlessly, poor ladies.

I really, really hate that I won't be seeing Matrix Reloaded on Thursday. They will pay at work for this. I should show up in sunglasses, a black trenchcoat and a fixed blank expression, following them around stating "I know kung-fu" and "whoa" until they relent and send me home. Sadistic buggers.

-Mike

2003-05-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

Awwwwww

Okay, I just got off the phone with Helen and I can't stop smiling. She is such a darling, even if she does make fun of the way I pronounce things. :P

C'mon, Helen, that's the real reason you phoned me, isn't it? You just wanted to poke fun at lil ole' me, eh? *sniffle*

Bah, that's okay. So long as you don't forget me in the morning. *chuckle*

Seriously, though, folks, she has the cutest voice. I was melting, while she was drifting off. :) Thanks for brightening my day, Helen! *hugs* Now go get some sleep before your mother calls to get you up for work. ;)

-Mike

2003-05-12T13:01:00.000-04:00

Futzing

Time for me to screw around a bit here and see what I can mess up on my already messy site. I'm thinking of attempting to set up a Zonkboard for you lazy, lazy people who don't feel like leaving actual comments. :P

Right now I'm chatting with Helen. She's so nice! I missed her over the weekend. It kind of stinks that most of my friends are "x" amounts of time zones away. Makes it really hard to coordinate these sessions. *sob*

You may notice a strange picture up on the webcam shot today. Well, Joz requested it, and who am I to argue? Besides, she has mind-control abilities, and she's a cutie (she's also spoken for, people, so tough luck...we'll have to find our own cuties).

Anyhoo, time to get to "work". Feel free to look me up on AIM. :)

-Mike

2003-05-11T18:50:00.000-04:00

Hiatus

Nothing much going on here tonight. I'm kind of in a depressed state of mind and not really willing to write about it here and now. I'll be on AIM, so if you feel like having a chat look me up. I promise you won't be bothering me. :)

Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow. :D

-Mike

2003-05-10T20:05:00.000-04:00

Mean People Suck

Is it just me, or are more and more people being incredibly, intentionally evil?

At our local mall (not the new "good" mall, but the "old" mall that all the hoodlums hang out at), they just set up a new Godiva Chocolate store. Now this in itself is not inherently evil, although I'm willing to concede the point that eating any of their wares is just plain sinful. *gurgle*...

No, what really makes this a true altar to evil is the location. These sick, sick, sadistic bastards had the unbelievable gall to set up shop right next to, I swear I am not making this up, a Weight Watchers center.

Now I know there are some of you out there saying "You have got to be shitting me" but I assure you, gentle persons, I shit you not. Today, after work, I went to the mall to buy some new work shoes (read: cheap sneakers), when I came upon this tragedy in the making. I stopped, jaw slack, staring at this, the epitome of human cruelty. I watched, struck dumb, as slightly overweight women were forced to make a decision (the men were busy "not looking" at the Victoria's Secret window display on the other level), and time and time again they lost their own private struggle and succumbed to the "dark chocolate demons".

One poor woman, sweat springing forth on her creased brow, took several tortured steps towards the den of evil, clearly not in full control of her own body (which was GORGEOUS, by the way, I don't understand some of you ladies, you'll have to explain it to me) before her husband, a hero among men, lept to her defense and diverted her towards, you guessed it, the Victoria's Secret store. Presumably so that she could buy something that they hoped would make her realize she was amazing but would, in the end, further convince her that she was a fat cow.

He stood outside to "avoid looking at" the window display.

And all I could do was sit there, on a nearby bench, and stare in horror. I wanted to shout out to those poor ladies, pleading with them to come back towards the light side and avoid the perils of the Chocolate-covered cherries with sweet liquor centers or the treble-chocolate truffles. I wanted to curse at the marketing fiends who saw the opportunity to ply their hellish trade. I wanted to rant. I wanted to scream.

But I couldn't, because my mouth was full of chocolate.

Not being able to choose your own sin is a terrible, terrible thing. I imagine I'll have to do an extra set of pushups and situps tonight to pay for these.

Have you succumbed recently? Then perhaps you should take this test and find out how far gone you are. Thanks to Joz for pointing this out to us doomed souls.

-Mike

EDIT: Guess it would help if I had the correct URL for the test, eh?

2003-05-09T20:36:00.000-04:00

Arrrrgh!

No, not the castle from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's an expression of disgust and frustration.

So I've been trying to get files from someone through Windows Messenger, and somewhere along the way they keep getting SNAFU'd. The files just won't send. Bah! This sucks because one of the files is a 26mb avi file they made for me...and there's no way I can get that through e-mail.

Ugh, short of trying to get them to burn it on a CD and send it to me via snail mail, I'm out of ideas. *stoopid connectivity issues*

Anyway, you sick of that Neo picture of me yet? Well it's going to stay up there for another day, at least...so deal with it. :P

And Helen is back from her trip! Yay! She's a cool person, you should go read her blog and say nice things about her. *exerts mind control, on loan from Joz*

Nothing much to talk about today...I worked and I'll be working through the weekend. Huzzah! Maybe I'll get some sleep in there sometime, but it's doubtful (another reason I'm reluctant to show my face on the cam).

-Mike

2003-05-08T12:04:00.000-04:00

What to do, what to do..

Apart from the mountain of things I should be doing, that is. It's yucky outside. It's humid inside. It's just generally unpleasant. I don't feel like doing anything that resembles "work", and so I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen as if waiting for a sign from the Patron Saint of the Internet. Helen is off on a business trip, *sniffle*, so there's no chatting with her. :/

Well I suppose I could sit here and try to think of ways to help some of my on-line friends. *sigh* Here's the deal, I have no less than 3 blog friends who have been trying to deal with some not-so-nice issues lately, and I feel like a big dumbass because I can't do anything to help them apart from spam *hugs* and say "I wish I could help." I've had to resort to saying that more and more often these days, and it bugs me to no end. It's a helpless, helpless feeling, not being able to help the ones you love.

Take last night, for example...I was up playing Kingdom Hearts at 2am (I don't sleep well) when one of my friends IM's me and is obviously a bit upset about something, but doesn't want to talk about it through IM (which I can understand). So, like a big ole' dork, I sit there debating for about half an hour over whether or not she should call me (I don't live alone, so a ringing phone would wake up everyone in the house). Just when she finally gets it through my thick skull that I could use the call-waiting feature to keep the phone from actually ringing when she called, she's tired enough to fall asleep again. *sigh* I suppose it's for the best. She really needed her rest for the day she's going to have today, and frankly, I just sound like a stuttering moron over the phone. I just can't but thinking, though, that maybe if I hadn't been such a goof she'd have been able to call and I could have helped her in some way.

Hey, if you're reading this now, let me know how everything went, okay? I'm worried for you. *hug* IM me and I'll give you my number and you can laugh at my voice or something to feel better, mmkay?

Ah well. This has probably gotten much too depressing for some of you, so I'll stop here. Just do me a favor and stop in to say "hi" if you've got nothing else on your plate. Don't forget to take the time to vote about the webcam thing below (I'm too lazy to look it up). So far Jaunra's the only one who's said anything about it...and she's a horndog.

-Mike

2003-05-08T00:41:00.000-04:00

Bless Me, Gut, For I Have Sinned

Me: It has been one week since my last cheeseburger.
Stomach: A grave sin indeed, my son.
Me: Forgive me, Stomach. You see, I've started working out-
Stomach: Blasphemy!
Me: I'm sorry, Stomach! I'm sorry! You see, me and the arms got together and decided that all three of us needed a little work...
Arms: It's true, Stomach. We're getting a little slack here. We don't work like we used to. We needed exercise-
Stomach: There will be no such talk in the House of the Gastric Juices!!
Me and Arms: Forgive us.
Stomach: Besides, I don't see you giving Ass any such trouble.
Ass: Whoa, whoa, WHOA! There's no reason to bring ME into this...
Me: I promise, Stomach, if ass so much as gives an indication he's not holding things up on his end, he'll be put through the same torture.
Ass: Oh Christ. Get a girlfriend, would you? Then she'll keep me busy running around doing chores and shit, yo!
Me: One of these days...
Stomach: ENOUGH! Have you anything else to confess?
Me: Well, I just upped the number of reps in my routine...
Stomach: *sighs* What are we going to do with you, my son.
Me: Yes, Stomach. Sorry, Stomach.
Stomach: Your penance will be that last ice-cream sandwich in the freezer and two cheeseburgers tomorrow...
Me: But Stomach! That will negate all of my hard work tonight!
Stomach: You want to make it three cheeseburgers?
Me: *whimper*
Stomach: Right, off with you. And NO sit-ups, you understand me? God help you if I feel sit-ups...

Okay, so it didn't go anything like that, but that's what it feels like, okay? *munch munch munch* Mmmm....sacrilicious!

So anyway, I have a really long day of being bored to tears planned for tomorrow, so please, for the love of Gut, look me up on AIM or something, mmkay? *sniffle* *pout*

-Mike

2003-05-07T21:58:00.000-04:00

What did I do to deserve this?

I mean, seriously, I've gotten about 100 hits today. My normal is about 20. What gives? A sudden burst of popularity? Or is it just a bunch of turkey's who punched in Matrix into Google without enough search parameters? My guess is the latter.

So many visitors...whatever will I wear? *rumages through wardrobe full of jeans and T-shirts*

Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure I know how to make that popup cam thing happen. Now it's just a matter of deciding whether I really WANT it to happen. I mean, really, who wants to sit there and watch me go glassy-eyed staring at a computer screen all day? I'm not some nubile young girl with pig-tails and a nice rack or something. Heck, half the time the cam will be turned off anyway. So I guess I'll just put it to a vote.

Remote cam, yea or nay. Leave your comments.

-Mike

2003-05-07T13:22:00.000-04:00

Can't. Friggin. Wait.

Can you believe Matrix Reloaded comes out a week from tomorrow? I'm telling you, the more I hear/see about this movie, the more I want to see it. Of course, the Nazi's at work are preventing me from seeing it opening day, but I think I'll hold off on killing them until I've found a new job. Now that's thinking, eh?

Soooo, yah. Lately I've taken to wearing my sunglasses at inappropriate times and telling random people that "I know kung-fu". Luckily I've only broken 2 table lamps thus far showing off my supah martial arts prowess. Electrical equipment and nicnacs everywhere are quaking in their collective boots.

And I've almost got my "Whoa" down perfectly now.

True, it'll take your intelligence quotient down several points trying to imitate Keanu, but when a movie of this caliber comes along you've got to throw caution to the wind...and brains.

I think I'll hold off on trying to dodge bullets or stop them by telling myself they don't exist, though. I'm not quite ready for that level of committment.

-Mike

2003-05-07T11:17:00.000-04:00

Ubah Geek-ness

Today I'm going to look into getting a remote webcam thingamajig set up, and I'm going to do it the hard way: By looking at source code from sites that already have it up and running. I am such a geek.

Don't expect anything grand. I don't usually keep the cam running full-time while I'm "working" here, and the times I do, well, you'll be looking at me for God knows how long. So brace yourself, Jaunra. :P I'll see if I can get it working either today or tomorrow.

In the meantime, if my site looks kinda "screwy" (well, more so than usual), it's probably because I'm futzing with the code some.

Eventually I'll be adding more junk here (like Zonkboard, for those of you too frickin' lazy to click the comment link) and Blogrolling 'n other stuff. Then maybe I'll get up the nerve to try to switch designs. I can create them easily...it's trying to code them when you're still just starting out with HTML that's the pain. Bah.

-Mike

2003-05-06T19:56:00.000-04:00

I'm with Stupid <---

So I left my webcam on all night. Thank goodness it's dark in my room and the webcam isn't pointed anywhere near my bed, or I'd be getting some weird-ass comments about now.

So, yah, I'm now sticking a post-it on my monitor to remind me in the future that I'm a dumbass.

Things will most likely be a little slow starting from this weekend. I'll be busting my ass at work because half of the buggers I work with are going on vacation. Guess who gets to pick up the slack? And there was much rejoicing...yay.

This means I won't be home all day to scour the net and come up with those links that make you say "What in the hell?" This also means I WON'T be able to see Matrix Reloaded on opening day, goddammit!!! *fume* I'll have to wait until the following Monday to get in at a time when half the local yokel population hasn't invaded the theaters...probably the 11am show or something. *grumble*

So don't any of you bastards tell me what happens, or I swear to you I'll, I'll...I'll stick my fingers in my ears and go "LALALALALALALLALALALA" until you stop.

Let that be a lesson to you.

-Mike

2003-05-05T20:30:00.000-04:00

Thanks Karen!!!

Karen (just about my last remaining RL friend) took a peek at my Wishlist the other day and decided I was horribly, horribly depraved.

Deprived, I meant deprived. Sorry.

So anyway, she sent me Spirited Away, which was one of the first things I put on my Wishlist. I don't think I can do it justice by watching it tonight, because chances are no matter how good it is my eyes just won't stay open, so I'm saving it for tomorrow night. Thanks a bunch, Karen! *hugs* *smooch*

In other news, today is Cinqo de Mayo, in case you live in a hole or something. So what am I doing, you might ask? Er, I'm sitting here...updating my blog and screwing around on the net. Because I am a spaz with no social life. Huzzah! So tell me what your plans are so I can live vicariously through your (mis)adventures, k?

-Mike

2003-05-04T19:18:00.000-04:00

New X-Woman Alert

Helen just posted over on her blog about the new X-Woman she's become. Check it out, but try not to comment on how AMAZINGLY GORGEOUS she is, because she doesn't like that sort of thing...muahahahaha.

I mean, honestly...those eyes, those lips, that amazing personality. How could you not like this young woman? Sheesh.

These are the things that have kept her on my list of blogs over there <---- nearly since day one. If you're not reading her blog, you should be. Fabulous, fabulous lady.

-Mike

2003-05-04T13:53:00.000-04:00

1000 visitors!

It happened overnight, so I missed it. Someone helped me get past the 1000 visitor mark. Hurrah! And only about half of those were me checking to see if I had comments! Yay!

So, yah, thanks, folks. :D At least this blip on the blogging radar is getting a little bigger. :)

-Mike

2003-05-03T18:00:00.000-04:00

Do-it-yerself Hick

Ever wanted to look like an imbred yokel? Well you're in luck! Just slap in a pair of these babies and voila! The look is complete.

Brought to you via that annoying banner add on my site because I'm too friggin' cheap to pay to have it removed. :D

-Mike

EDIT: Cripes, I've really got to proofread my posts from now on. "Viola"? Sheesh. Now if I can only remember where my penis.

EDITAGAIN: Sorry, that should say "pen is". I apologize, I should really see my the rapist.

EDITYETAGAIN: THERAPIST! I meant THERAPIST!

2003-05-03T14:36:00.000-04:00

Instant Replay?

I'm seriously considering going and seeing X2 again today. It was just that good. If you haven't already, check out my review below. Let me know if it meshes with what you thought (if you've seen it, duh).

I really should be doing the million-and-one things on my "To Do" list today, but Mother Nature isn't playing fair. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect for a bike ride, most of the annoying children around here are too wasted after Prom to get up and cause problems...

No I'm not saying that all teenagers are annoying. Just the ones we have around here, got me?

In case you haven't noticed (yes, you, the one person reading this), I added joz3 to my list of blogs over there <----

Go on over and give her a visit. And tell her how cute she is (if you can find the rare picture of her). She doesn't believe me. Tsk tsk tsk. Try not to make fun of her dog. I assure you, she's heard them all.

Ah well, back to not doing what I should be doing. I think No Pants Friday is going to keep going on through Sunday...

Unless I decide to go biking, of course.

-Mike

2003-05-02T20:22:00.000-04:00

Drop em!

Quick reminder, it's NO PANTS FRIDAY! Don't worry, I won't post a pic of me in my boxers this time...that should keep you all happy. :)

Don't forget to read my X2 review below.

2003-05-02T18:57:00.000-04:00

X-quisite

Blimey!

Just got back from my excursion to the movie theater, taking in the new X-Men 2 movie. Let's not delay things, right? As always, I'll try to keep spoilers out of this, but be prepared to avert your eyes at the last minute...Straight to the review:

The plot

Do you really have to ask? Ah well, if you insist.

Hugh Jackman, reprising his role as the tempermental can opener, Wolverine, has gone off to try to find out more about his past, and discovers, apart from an abandoned experimental institution, bubkiss. Meanwhile a new mutant manages to overcome dozens of security personnel in the White House using his "now you see me, now you're unconcious" teleportation technique, only to fail in assassinating the president because he left one of the secret service mobile enough to fire a bullet through his shoulder, after which he "poofs", leaving a bemused president to change his soiled undies. There's no mention of who had to clean the presidential chair/desk.

Back at Mutant High, Bobby and Rogue are doing the "cutesy couple who can't touch or he dies" thing, that is until Wolverine shows up, and Rogue gets all gushy over her bad-boy hero from the previous movie. Wolverine doesn't have much time to bask in her adoration, however, because it seems the rest of the X-Men crew are all going off on assignment (Storm and Jean are going to visit the new mutant who left a dagger in the Presidential desk while Xavier and Cyclops are off to visit Magneto in his Fisherprice prison to pick his brain on recent events). Wolverine is left to "babysit" the children at the school.

Can you imagine? "Go to bed *SHING* or else."

So you know all hell is going to break lose at the school, right? Right?

Well it seems a General Stryker has "obtained" information about what really goes on at this school, so he's secured a Presidential blessing to go in and "see what he can find". Yes, this is bad, but hey, we get to see all sorts of future mutants (see how many you can recognize...I got five) testing out their fledgling powers as they escape the house while Wolverine makes hors d'oeuvres out of the bad guys, then takes another of Cyclops' "toys" out for a test drive, escaping the madness with Bobby, Rogue, and Pyro. They decide to head to Bobby's parents house to hide out for a while. You can guess how that goes...

Storm and Jean find their apparently religious quarry, and convince him to join them after he shows them his impressive needle-work. Xavier and Cyclops get in a pickle while visiting Magneto (don't complain that I'm giving too much away...you couldn't see that coming?).

Eventually everyone discoveres that Stryker is hatching a plot to eliminate all mutants. They aren't too happy with it. Much battling ensues. Joy!

The acting

If you enjoyed the way these folks played their characters in the last installment, you'll still like 'em this time around. Everyone really got into their characters and brought them to life in ways that far surpassed everyone's expectations. There's really not much I can say about it that wasn't already evident if you've seen the last movie. Everyone did a magnificent job, perhaps even better than last time (yes, even Rogue and Mystique).

The action

Are you kidding me? Seriously, I think the only thing that could possibly beat the action in this movie is the upcoming Matrix sequel. Wolverine shows he can do more than threaten with his claws, Storm's electrifying personality is in full swing, Rogue sucks...powers (Bobby is frustrated that that's all she can suck). Hell, Magneto manipulates the hell out of liquid metal that a security guard unknowingly smuggles in his ass. Was that too much information? Sorry, some of these scenes are so great it's hard not to tell someone about them.

Anyway, there were several scenes in the movie (action-wise) that had nearly the entire theater applauding for sheer brilliance. Most of the rest of the time they (and I with them) just sat in slack-jawed awe as the plot unfolded and super powers were paraded around like Pamela Anderson on vacation.

Except more beautiful and less fake.

If you liked the action in the last movie, you can not miss this one. Hop to it.

The writing

I know you're getting tired of this by now, but I'll have to trot out the same line again: If you liked it in the last flick, you'll love it in this one. You remember those quotes from the last one that you can't help but giggle over? You know:

Wolverine: Hey! Whoa, it's me.
Cyclops (ready to open visor): Prove it.
Wolverine (sighs): You're a dick.
Cyclops (takes hand off visor): Works for me.

Yah, that kind of stuff is in this one too, which is fantastic. It keeps the movie from being too dark, which it definitely shouldn't be. The writers did very well in keeping the tongue-in-cheek humor mixed with the sly references to the comic books and cartoon series and the darker sides to these people (which have to be included, or else the movie would probably suck). I don't think there was one line in there which made me wince at the "corny-ness" or screw my face up in the classic "how can you have him/her say that" expression. Very, very well done.

Conclusion

To quote Jon Stewart, this film "kicks crazy ass". It's 2 and 1/2 hours long, though, so try to keep your snack/drink intake to a minimum. But don't worry, every minute of the film is worth sticking around for. I'll say it once more...if you've seen the last X-Men movie, see this one. In fact, I think it's a requirement that you have to see this sequel. Speaking of which, aren't sequels supposed to suck? I think these folks didn't get the memo...let's hope they never do. X2 could be taken as X "squared", because they've raised the level from the last film exponentially in pretty much all areas.

Try to see how many future mutants and references to future mutants you can find while watching (preferably the second time around...just let yourself be engulfed the first time, k?). Possibly some good news for the third installment (there is STRONG evidence to suggest there will be another): I saw references to both The Beast and Gambit. I know some of you are big fans of those two in particular. :)

If I had to say something bad about this movie, it would probably be the very end, which is a bit of a bummer...BUT there is a faint "glimmer" which suggests things aren't so bad as they seem after all...

Here's hoping these people stay with this winning formula and churn out some more movies in the series. This is how comic-book heroes are meant to be brought to the silver screen. It's about time someone learned.

My rating: 10 out of 10. Whether you're an X-Men fan or not, you will like this movie.

-Mike

2003-05-02T13:03:00.000-04:00

Quick Thought

Just have time for this random thought I had today while driving to the bank:

Why do they have Braille on the drive through bank kiosks? On the driver's side?

Wrap your noggin' around that enigma. I'm off to see X-2.

-Mike

2003-05-01T23:15:00.000-04:00

Another One For the WTF Department

I was just looking at how people got to my site, and noticed that someone had gotten here through a google search for "russian sex fuck picture and movie". Well, I did some searching, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there's no such animal on my site.

Anyone want to donate some so this poor guy/girl will have something to do while "reading" my site? Yowza.

So much for the accuracy of Google. :)

-Mike

2003-05-01T11:46:00.000-04:00

Ow, Ow, Ow

I decided sometime last week that I was going to start "working out" for the summer, mainly because my family is taking me on a trip to Myrtle Beach in August and I'm tired of feeling like I need to wear a shirt to the beach. It's not so much that I think I'm tubby, because I know I'm not. My job keeps me slimmed down, but I want to get toned for once. No no, not that "World's Strongest Man" backne type stuff. That looks terrible if you ask me. Mainly I want to look my age (25), you know, so they'll stop carding me at the movies? Man that gets embarassing.

So anyway, after eating the last of my Easter candy (shut up), I started this past Monday on a nightly routine working out my abs, chest and arms. Nothing too strenuous...about 10-15 minutes. I really don't mind working out. I like that "little bit 'o hurtin'" feel you get once you're done that says it's doing some good. Just so long as I don't have to go anywhere afterwards...

I think, however, that as little as I think I'm doing, I may be overdoing it a bit. Waking up after the first night wasn't too bad. There were some aches and pains which is only natural when starting your own fitness regime. This morning, though, it took me a good 5-10 minutes to move my arm enough to shut off the alarm. And I've been moving about the house like some geriatric in-patient, leery of anything that might suddenly jump out and punch me in the gut.

I don't think the problem is that I've been working out too hard, or else I would have felt this the first night. I think the problem is that I'm doing it too often. I think I'm going to start alternating ab work one night with arms/chest work another. Until the minor aches and pains go away, at least. *wince* Any of youse any good at massage?

In other news, the new X-men movie comes out tomorrow, and I can't wait. Actually, there's a ton of movies coming out this summer that look decent. I'm going to end up dropping a bundle seeing them all. Yah, sure, I can just wait until they are available to rent or whatever, but nothing compares to the experience of seeing a good movie in a nice, big theater, y'know? I don't think I'll ever own a sound system that good, for one thing...

One more piece of mundane trivia for now, and then you can go on to read the more interesting blogs. I just got a Matrix screensaver...one that has those green glyphs running down the screen and ocassionally forming pictures and stuff. It kicks. I like it much better than my 3D Text screensaver saying "Hands Off!". The only thing I want now is an animated waterfall scene on my desktop background. So far I haven't turned up any likely prospects, though. Any of you guys seen something similar?

-Mike

2003-04-30T00:44:00.000-04:00

Hooray for me!

I finally figured out how to get my stinking archives working, so now you can link to individual posts (if the fancy takes you), or even go back and see what kind of crap I posted back when I first started this thing about a month ago. That's one less thing I need to figure out, thank goodness. *phew* Have fun.

-Mike

2003-04-29T20:34:00.000-04:00

I'd laugh, but then they'd come get me...

I just clicked on this link because it was in the advertisement banner on my blog earlier.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again....W....T....F?

I'm not sure what's more frightening: the fact that this actually exists and you can actually buy them...or the fact that I was and still am sorely tempted to throw 13$ at it.

*shudder* Okay, back to decompression...

2003-04-29T20:30:00.000-04:00

Temporary Sanity

Howdy. Today was a terrible day at work, so it's taking me a bit longer than normal to get back to my usual crazy-ass self. As such, I'm sorry, but there just won't be much to read here tonight (sorry to both of you). Instead I'll be taking the time to play some more Kingdom Hearts and wishing I was brave enough to purchase some Asian pr0n, because I have issues. :D

So, yah. You're also stuck with the same webcam image as yesterday, because the bags under my eyes and the frown on my face are just not very attractive. I'll make it up to youse guys some other time...how do the women here feel about Mounties? (bwahahaha, bet that woke up Helen and Karen. :) )

In other news, I plan on seeing X-2 (the X-men sequel) this Friday, and I'll be sure to post my review here. But don't worry(?), it won't be that long before I post again. I just need a bit of decompression for the next few hours. Cushlamachree, does anyone know the number of a good masseuse? *wince*

-Mike

2003-04-28T21:47:00.000-04:00

Hearts Redux

Today's stint at the DMV wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...it was worse. Can anyone tell me why they have 20 clerk stations all lined up when there are only ever 2 clerks actually working at a time? *sigh*

And boy was I ever wrong in thinking that there wouldn't be much of a crowd with it being an early Monday morning. Apparently harassed minds think alike. *shakes fist*

But at least it's over. I got the title transfered, my tags transfered, and my insurance changed to reflect my change in vehicle. My wallet will never be the same.

At least after finishing all of that I had the rest of the day to decompress, which brings me to the title...

After casting about online and not being able to come up with anything funny or thought-provoking to post on anyone's blogs today (Sorry, Helen), I started going through my PS2 game collection (QUICK NOTE: Never ever under any circumstances throw your money away on Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring for PS2. It is, without a doubt, one of the worst games I have ever played. No matter how much of a Tolkien nut you are, you will derive practically no pleasure from playing this steaming pile. It is short, it is ripe with bugs, it is clumsy, ugly, and ill-conceived. Buy Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers instead. It is made by a different company and the quality is outstanding.).

As I sorted through my collection, I came across a game I hadn't played for a while, but loved all the same: Kingdom Hearts

Fabulous game.

It does not matter if you are a Final Fantasy or Disney nut or not (I am), you will most likely love this game.

The graphics are stunning, but without being so busy as to detract from the gameplay. The FMV's are not of Final Fantasy X quality, but this was done intentionally so as to keep the cartoonish appearance of many of the characters intact. Every time I play this game I find new things to ogle in every "world".

The voicework is amazing. In many cases the original voice actors for the Disney characters lent their voices once more to their cherished characters. In those cases where the original actors weren't available, other voice actors with incredibly talent stepped in to those shoes, and filled them nicely. Disney and Final Fantasy characters new and old are given new life with incredible effect.

The gameplay is addictive. I think when I first got this game and started playing it, I didn't stop for a full 6 hours, and only then because my hands were starting to cramp up. Like many other games out there, there is some "leveling up" to do so that your characters are strong enough to face tougher opponents later on, but taken a bit at a time it is not very tedious at all. Much less so than FFX was for me. The camera angles that seem to give many otherwise worthwhile games a hard time aren't as much of an issue in this game, thanks to a lock-on feature and user-controlled camera panning. There were only a few instances in which the camera "wouldn't go where I wanted it to", but I was able to work around them well enough. The skills system is wonderful. At times you will have to pick and choose which special abilities you want equipped at any one time, but I don't think I came across any point where you could screw up your choices so badly that you couldn't advance, and even then these equipped abilities aren't permanent. You can switch them around easily, enough, making it well worth your while to experiment.

I am a 25-year old single man, and yet I am a total sap when it comes to children, dogs, or cartoons. I laughed my ass off at the silly antics of the Disney crew, and snuffled like wuss at the deeply moving Final Fantasy side of things (yes, FFX got me misty too, okay?). If I were forced to say something bad about the game, I suppose it would have to be that the gimmicky "Gummi Ship" portions could have been thought through a bit better. I can't really explain it succinctly to those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, but these "Gummi Ship" parts don't really add anything to the game. Tinkering with my own Gummi Ship near the end of the game, however, became a minor obsession for me.

Overall, I'd have to rate this game a 9.5 out of 10. It's great fun for pretty much any member of your family. The kids will like it for the Disney, the teens will like it for the FF, and the adults will like it because it's just a friggin' kickass game. 'Nuff said.

-Mike

2003-04-27T21:49:00.000-04:00

Walk in Hell...

Tomorrow's the big day. The day I spend what will, essentially, seem like an eternity embroiled in "government". The tension. The horror. The lines, omg...

I really, really hate going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). To use an already overused cliche (BlogSpot doesn't display the "e" symbol with the accent mark over it, apparently), it's like pulling teeth.

With flaming, metal chopsticks.

Painful, long, and incredibly stupid.

I suspect that most of my time in there will be spent pondering the question: Why the fuck, in a world so full of technology as ours, am I forced to spend my day off indoors, with rude people who really have no idea how to do their jobs and don't care what sort of "pickle" you're in, because they're perpetually on break? I mean, honestly, aren't we to the "Point 'N Click" stage of tag and title transfer yet?

I am supremely confident that, decades, centuries from now, when the rest of civilization has evolved to the point of instant teleportation, full internet integration, etc., we will all still be forced to stand in line at the DMV while some toothless hick argues with the clerk over whether or not pulling a trailer requires more than a typical Class "C" license.

Christ, I really wish I could just move to Hawaii. I wouldn't have a car, but I wouldn't care, because I'd be in Hawaii. You get me?

It's getting pretty hard to believe that all of this is a direct result of a kind-hearted gift from my grandmother (who will be suffering right along with me, bless her heart).

-Mike

2003-04-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

Greedy Goodness

I'm in a "me" kinda mood, so I put my Amazon Wishlist link over there (<-----) for those of you feeling magnanimous...or horribly guilt-ridden and in need of a "generousity outlet".

PLEASE NOTE: This is in no way a plea for money/gifts like you'll find on some of those other blogs or those camgirl sites (I don't offer that type of service). Save your money for Robyn's Boobie-thon later this year (Fall), which is for a great cause. This link is primarily for my friends who keep bitching at me because I never tell them anything I want for holidays/my birthday/just 'cuz. If you want to get something fer lil ole' me, great, if not, that's great too. I recommend everything in that list to anyone interested in that sort of thing. Especially Terry Pratchett (Discworld novels).

2003-04-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

Oh, The Things You'll Learn...

I'm blatantly stealing this post idea from Joelle, but only because of the results of my own googlisms:

mike wright is an experienced climber and skier

Quite a feat for someone who hasn't spent more than half an hour at a time in the mountains, I can tell ya...

mike wright is the director of business development for the retail business at cpc

As well as the head of the Department of Redundancy Department.

mike wright is not only building quality blinds

He's peeping through the, too! Right now!

mike wright is the one to help you with your real estate needs

You'll love this one, she's got HUUUUGE...tracts of land!

mike wright is going to search for a secure client and report back on the results of his search

But on an insecure client, just to piss you off.

mike wright is an award winning webmaster

I mean, really, doesn't this site just scream "I deserve a friggin' medal"?

mike wright is playing a "shark"

Candygram...

mike wright is a tv

And there's NOTHING good on, dammit!

mike wright is the mind

But I'd rather be the body.

mike wright is on the right

Because I haven't heard that one before. *rolls eyes*

mike wright is now a library of congress certified trainer in mfhd

So if there's anyone interested in Mistakenly Formatting HardDrives, I'm your man...

mike wright is a woman who could be described as working outside the box

I'm not a woman, I'm a maaaan, baby! Although this "box" business does sound interesting...

mike wright is not showing her usual tightly constructed assemblage work done with found wood

Go ahead, have a ball with this one.

mike wright is a member

I'm not just the President...

mike wright is a free lance illustrator and graphic design artist in longview

You see, children, in the long view, dreams can come true!

mike wright is an astronaut

Well, I was often called a "space-case".

mike wright is working in the software industry as well

I'm a post-release tester, thank you.

mike wright is a walkon who has really come on lately

Working in the pr0n industry is so difficult sometimes...

mike wright is your tour guide in what they didn't teach you about the 60s

Everything causes cancer. Sorry.

mike wright is as close to a cabbage as you can get

Big head, no body, red in the sun, green in the sea.

mike wright is working on implementation of a collaborative tool to facilitate interactions between the metapps and the unidata technical staff as they develop

Er, yah. Right after I finish this game of MS Hearts, k?

mike wright is deputy head

And BOY does that damn star hurt! *tug*

mike wright is still working on the adobe contract

I have one thing to say: Building with mud sucks ass.

mike wright is still chasing second spot despite having to miss out on several saturday rounds due to work commitments

How my sex life (or lack thereof) got on the net, I'll never know.

mike wright is jeff's choice for congress

Although Jeff was my first choice for village idiot...

mike wright is still cooking with gas

*FWOOOOOOOMP* Damn, okay kids, we gotta move again...

mike wright is going to vegas soon

Uh, got a place I can crash?

mike wright is no longer available for download

Sorry, ladies. You'll have to send me yours first. *wink wink nudge nudge*

mike wright is aims' vice president of production

Ever wonder why your Instant Messages look pawed over? Yah.

mike wright is against the reptile part of the ordinance and wants it taken out of the draft

Reptile ordinance is just plain wrong. Aren't surface to surface missiles enough for you people? *sigh*

mike wright is professor of financial studies

I don't know how to ask you this...can I borrow a few hundred?

mike wright is back in the states after ten years working in russia with the russian space program

Look, I TRIED shooting that no-talent hack to Mars, but the Clueless Wonder couldn't pony up the money. Next time we'll try to get the whole N'Sync crew to split the cost. 5 shuttles, no waiting.

mike wright is just dissembling all over the map

Look, I'm sorry okay? They were out of "paper" in the john...

mike wright is from ark

Unfortunately the woman who was going to "couple" with me pissed Noah off early on...

mike wright is leading the investigation

There is no way in hell Joelle's eyes can be that green.

-Mike

2003-04-25T19:02:00.000-04:00

Love to love ya, baby!

Eka here has started a blog Love-In. D'you see why I love bloggin'? I love these people. I would like to post my love for everyone on each of their blogs, but I have to get some work done tonight. :/ So to all of you, I love youse guys just for being you. *hugs* *pinches where appropriate*

Share the love.

Anyhoo, a few of you expressed interest in my "grandma" story, so here's the barebones of it all...

My car is currently sitting in a semi-useless incontinent heap in the driveway. It's bleeding a few different types of fluid, and it's been bleeding my already moth-eaten wallet dry ever since I got it (second hand). It has over 150,000 miles on it, and, frankly, it's not going to last too much longer.

In steps my loving grandmother.

She decided that, since she can't drive (Canadian citizenship), and my grandfather can't drive anymore ("thanks" to Alzheimers, the last time he tried he ended up sitting alone in a parking lot for the better part of a day), she's going to give me their old car. It's an old-fart-mobile, to be sure, but it's a working old-fart-mobile. The only real complaints I have about it are that I wear the lining like a sombrero whenever I drive it and the passenger-side speaker emits ear-splitting pops at random intervals when I have the radio on. No biggie, I can fix those later.

So I'm all grateful and schtuff, and I start looking into the process of getting the car transferred over to my needy ass.

Uncle Sam is a real bastard, y'know? I swear sometimes I wish I was back up in Saskatchewan. Of course then I'd miss Cartoon Network, Comedy Central and my cable connection.

Why the grumpiness for Sammy when I previously wrote about love? Well, for one thing, as far as I know Uncle Sam doesn't blog. For another, it turns out that this wonderful gift from a grandmother to her grandchild is going to cost said grandchild at least 500 smackers. That's, let's see, a billion Canadian? I'm not good with conversions...

First there's the vehicle inspection, which turns up several issues that need to be rectified since they were passed during the last inspection 2 years ago on the basis that "they're borderline, but the car should be fine." 400$ goes to the local Texaco for inspection, parts, and what they dubiously refer to as "labor", although I suspect they spent the previous evening in the "Champagne Room" of one of the local strip clubs and then decided to put it on the tab as a business expense. My credit card is refusing to talk to me right now.

Monday I have to drop my old car off at one of the local high schools. I'm donating it to their Vocational Technology section. I'm such an asshole. Really, I pity the poor bastard who, in order to pass the class, must "fix" my wreck. Although I expect they'll find some of my jury-rigs quite amusing. Who would have thought duct tape and popsicle sticks could accomplish so much?

Next I have to play "pass the paperwork" with my grandmother about half a dozen times in order to get titles/tags and Miscellaneous Papers Designed To Drive You Around The Bend. I still don't understand some of what I'm supposed to do during this whole process, and my conversations with my family about them are starting to sound like something out of Monty Python or Abbot and Costello...or both. Some of these transactions and transfers are going to cost me additional monies. You can't get blood from a stone? The DMV proves that you can if you throw it hard enough...

So basically, this gift from grandma is going to cost me about 500 bucks...plus however much it costs me to get the lining and radio fixed later on down the road. At least we know one thing the US doesn't need to import...red tape. They've got it in spades.

Ain't that America *sob* somethin' to see... *whimper*

-Mike

2003-04-24T19:51:00.000-04:00

Asshole alert

And to think I was just starting to get interested in BlogSharing...

Came across this today over on Robyn's site. For those of you too friggin lazy to click your mouse, the gist of it is this: People who decided to opt out of this "project" soon found themselves the proud recipients of their very own stalking trolls. Essentially the "posse" of the bloke who runs BS (and how apropo that acronym seems now) decided to visit the sites of the people who opted out, and harangue them with tons of "negative" comments. These guys shouldn't be too hard to catch, however. I imagine they must have a very distinctive walk which is a direct result of having HUGE FRIGGIN' BALLS. Maria decided to shut down after dealing with them, others are sure to follow if this keeps up.

And so, I'm removing myself from the BS game (you dickhead trolls remember it was just a game, right?). The few of you who read this blog may notice some distinctly negative comments in my otherwise bare Comments pages, but if so, just ignore 'em. Assholes like that don't deserve your attention.

I suppose I should be grateful...this news keeps me from posting the more mundane story of how I have to pay 500$ for a gift my grandmother gave me. (heh, if you're really interested let me know and I'll post it later).

Hope this heads up about BS keeps some of you folks from falling into the same trap.

-Mike

2003-04-23T12:52:00.000-04:00

WARNING!

A public service announcement from the resident geek...

It can happen to anyone, so don't think you're immune just because you're "not into that type of thing". What is it? Blogging. Yes, blogging. Sure, we've all known how mildly addicting it can be. The few of you who are actually reading this are living proof that some people will read anything. I bet if I put nude pictures of Tia Carrere up here my hits would triple overnight. You know who you are...ladies. :P

But seriously, if you don't pay attention, blogging will take over your life. No, I don't mean maintaining your own blog. I spend maybe half an hour tops on my blog every day...and it shows!

So what is the big threat? I'll tell you: Reading other people's blogs. You thought online gaming sucked up all of your time? Hoo, boy, you visit one of those blogs I have listed on the left there, and I'll see you next week. Because not only do you read their blog (I love those people, really), you read a blog linked from that blog, and then another blog linked from a comment in that blog, and so on and so forth. I think at one point I could actually hear my clock whirring as time decided I wasn't worth sticking around for and went on without me. By the time I looked up it was 2am and I had completely missed Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (yes, I was pissed).

Yes, it's that bad. Well, not "bad", per se, but you can get lost if you're not careful. Don't even get me started on BlogShares.

Why is it so addictive? Well, for me, it's because of the cameraderie and interest generated on those blogs that just isn't there in my day-to-day life. I live vicariously through their lives, and try to make sure a little bit of me makes it to them so that I know I'm not alone and they know I exist. Wow does that ever sound sappy, eh? Bah.

Anyway, I look like hell this morning. I didn't get much sleep, which explains the dark circles and slumped figure. I have no idea where the horns came from. Therefore, instead of my usual goofy picture you'll be treated to a shot of my dogs "frolicking" on my old comforter. I swear sometimes they're just as lazy ("efficient") as I am.

-Mike

2003-04-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

And now, from the WTF department...

There is no way in hell THIS is for real. And if it is...I want to meet the woman who wants one as a gift.

2003-04-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

You didn't want them extra crispy?

I saw perhaps the funniest real-life image today on my way to dinner tonight.

The scene? A hollowed out husk of a fast food joint (Popeye's). Smoking ruins. Obviously ravaged 'n savaged by the flame. Totally torched. Those BBQ wings were never so hot. You get the idea.

The funny part? There's a friggin fire house two blocks away.

I think Spider Robinson said it best when he wrote:

"God is an iron...A person who commits a felony is a felon. Someone who commits gluttony is a glutton. Therefore, God is an iron."

There are some scenes in life that are just too funny for laughter, too sad for tears, too enraging for shouts. This was one of them. I stood there, bemused and amused, as dozens upon dozens of jokes came, unbidden, to my lips. How can you NOT look at such imagery without becoming your very own stand-up comedian?

*sigh* Thank goodness I have an outlet for this sort of thing. I pity those who don't blog. :)

-Mike

2003-04-21T14:37:00.000-04:00

Damn You and Your Estrogenical Tyranny!

Been laughing my ass off for the past 3 hours. I finally broke down and got the Family Guy DVD collection, and I haven't been able to breathe properly since popping it in my DVD player.

If you're a fan of the series, get this collection. If you're not a fan of the series, what in the hell is wrong with you? Get the collection anyway so that the more intelligent members of your family can distract themselves from your vile, conservative ways. :P

In other "news", I've been watching Remo Williams all weekend. Why? Because it's a funny movie nobody has ever seen, and HBO has been showing it quite often lately for some reason.

Remo: You know, Chiun, sometimes I really like you.
Chiun: Of course. I am Chiun.
Remo: And then there are other times I could really kill you.
Chiun: Good! We will practice that after lunch.

They just don't make movies like that anymore...*sigh*.

-Mike

2003-04-20T23:16:00.000-04:00

Thank God for Chocolate Eggs

*munch munch munch*

You know *belch*, excuse me, you know, you can take your Peeps and shove 'em. I don't care what anyone says, Cadbury Creme Eggs are the essential Easter candy.

Sure, Peeps are fun to put in the microwave (make sure you have a towel handy), but apart from that? Bah! Colored granulated sugar on marshmallow. You can't even glance at them without them going stale, they have an absolutely disgusting texture in your mouth, and really, what if someone was watching you stuff those giant marshmallow critters in your gaping maw? Oh the shame of it.

But these Creme Eggs, on the other hand...*gurgle*. Chocolate-y goodness, creamy decadent center, and the pain your teeth get from the sugar shock goes away in just a few minutes.

Oh sure, some of you are thinking "what the hell do chocolate eggs have to do with Christ rising from the grave?" To which I say "What? I'm sorry, I was too busy eating these sinfully good Easter treats."

If you want an explanation as to why we eat these chocolate eggs on Easter, check out Eddie Izzard. I can't remember whether it was Dress to Kill or Glorious, but he has an explanation in there somewhere...

You know, I've grown so addicted to these little buggers that I managed to find a mock-recipe for them on the net. I imagine I'll have gained 30 pounds by the end of the summer trying it out. If you want the recipe, be nice to me and post a friggin' comment instead of standing there fogging up the screen. Design notwithstanding, you think it's easy to be this funny?

Okay, mildly amusing?

Anyhoo, time for me to wrap things up. Family Guy is coming on Cartoon Network during their Adult Swim hours. Anyone want to buy me the DVD's? I'll be your best friend. :D

-Mike

2003-04-20T00:28:00.000-04:00

Real Men Don't Need Professional Medical Attention

Or so they would have you believe over at this site. Thanks goes to Gretchen for pointing this out.

I don't know about you guys, but for me, duct tape and any bodyhair just do not go together.

Oh, in case I forget about it tomorrow what with the hullabaloo of the holiday...

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Here's a little treat for some of you who may be pining for those days of hunting Easter Eggs. Enjoy!

-Mike

2003-04-19T14:20:00.000-04:00

Think you have a good connection?

Go read this over on C:\Pirillo.exe. But first, a warning: Don't be eating or drinking anything while you read it, okay? Good, I'll give you some time to digest it...

...

...

Back? Okay...

26 Tbps? WTF? Don't know what a Terabyte is? Okay, well, you know what a Megabyte is, right? Well a Gigabyte is 1000 x 1 Megabyte. A Terabyte is 1000 x 1 Gigabyte. Therefore 1 Terabyte = 1,000,000 Megabytes. 26 Tbps? That's 26,000,000 MEGAbytes per second. Per friggin second!! At that speed, well, you know that movie file you've been downloading off and on for the past week? How'd you like to get it in less than a second? More to the point, how would you like to get a few dozen similar-sized files downloaded in a second? Several hundred?

And the GAMING possibilities? Wow.

Got any ideas for what this type of godly connection can be used for? Post your comments here, or go to Chris' website and post them there. Granted, we don't really know when and if this thing can happen, let alone when it would be available to the population at large, but cushlamachree!

I think a connection like that would be worth it just to shut up all those freaks who keep arguing Cable vs. DSL.

-Mike

2003-04-18T23:53:00.000-04:00

Know your Bullshit!

One last post for the evening. This one will either earn me a lot of friends, or a lot of enemies. :) It is my firm belief that everyone should read this book. It's basically stuff I've always suspected, but never had the time or resources (read: I was too lazy) to confirm. Also, if you haven't already, you should watch Penn & Teller's show Bullshit! Even if you don't particularly like Penn & Teller (who are the KINGS of ferreting out lies, misdirection, etc.), give one show a try and see how long it takes for you to notice your jaw is hanging open. More to the point, see how long it takes for you to realize your head is bobbing up and down in agreement with them. These guys expose things/ideas/people for what they really are, and where I attempt to do this in my everyday life, they succeed.

I've been fans of these nutcases as far back as I can remember. I think one of my first concious memories is of Penn shouting "ARE WE LIVE?!" on an episode of Saturday Night Live. Why am I such a huge fan? Because these guys have always cut through the bullshit and delivered the real goods. Damn...you think they'd take me on as an apprentice? :D

-Mike

2003-04-18T19:16:00.000-04:00

IT'S NO PANTS FRIDAY!!!

That's right, the tradition started by Chris lives on...or at least I'm doing it. Who knows what the rest of you are doing. Post yer pics to prove your loyalty to the almighty Gnome.

And now, a special feature:

Mantra of the Insomniac

8:00pm...

Hmm, I should get to bed early tonight. I work the 6:30 shift tomorrow and you know how "off" you are when you don't get enough sleep. Let's see...waking up at 5 should give me plenty of time for my morning ablutions and a good breakfast before heading to work. So let's see...8 hours of sleep...I should get to bed around 9pm. No problem.

9:00pm...

Ooh! Zoolander is coming on! Umm....an hour and a half long? Heck, that still leaves over 6 hours worth of sleep. I'll be good. :D

10:30pm...

Okay, now, time to hit the HEY isn't that Penn & Teller show on? What was it called? Oh yah, Bullshit!. Man, I just have to watch the end of that. One of these days I'll remember to tape it.

11:00pm...

Still 6 hours of sleep. I'll be just fine. *lays down and turns the light out* Hmm...not quite sleepy enough yet. Guess I'll read for a bit. *pulls out book...*

12:07am...

Woo! Finished it. Good bo-ohshit! It's after midnight?! *throws book on bedside table* I should be fine on just 5 hours worth of sleep, right? Right?

12:30am...

HA HA HA HAAAAA, damn I'm glad I got this Futurama set...what the hell am I doing?? Man if I don't grab some sleep soon I'm going to be a friggin' zombie tomorrow...not like they'll notice, the bastards. They sit on their fat asses in the office while I bust my hump. *grumble* *lays head back down on pillow* Hmm, but I do want to look my best for that new girl...

12:45am...

*censored*

1:00am...

Okay, NOW I should be able to sleep. *yawn* I'll jess count some sheep and nod off...

1:54am...

129,876...129,877...129,- What was I on? Shit. 1...2...3...

2:30am...

*spit* Who the fuck came up with this warm milk bullshit? Christ on a snowmobile, I feel like I just gargled elephant ejaculate. Oh damn that's a horrible image. Nice going, Mike, you idiot, now I'll never get to sleep...

3:30am...

I'm a fucking clairvoyant.

4:00am...

If Pavlov had used cats instead of dogs, would anyone think he was so smart?

4:50am...

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

5:00am...

--so remember folks, leave a bit earlier than usual today because, as always, people have forgotten how to drive in the rain. We've got backups on I-95, 100West AND East, and--*SNOOZE*

5:10am...

--swear to you folks, we've got this Asian woman in here with us who says she'll date the first 25 year old Canadian white guy to phone us here at 1-800--*SNOOZE*

5:20am...

--we mention how horrible the traffic is out there this morning? Good grief, you'd think most of these losers would still be home in bed, but no, apparently they all decided to meet at what will become the busiest intersections within the next few hou--*SNOOZE*

5:30am...

--and so it seems that our troops ov-*SNOOZE*

5:40am...

--sian gal is still here looking for a da--*SNOOZE*

5:50am...

--hy don't you call an--*SNOOZE*

6:00am...

--its out to--*SNOOZE*

6:10am..

*zzzzzzzzzzz*-Whuh? Grrzzmmxtlphix? Aw shit! My goddamn alarm clock must be broken or something. Stupid *mucho obscenity wasting 5 more minutes*. Screw breakfast. So much for taking my time this morning. I swear I'm going to go to bed earlier next time. And I've got to remember to buy another clock. *runs out door forgetting car keys...runs back to get keys...runs back out...runs back in to pet neglected dogs and set alarm...runs back out...repeat for various reasons for another 5-10 mintues*

THE END(?)

2003-04-17T14:48:00.000-04:00

Feed me!

I can't tell by the heavy breathing...is anyone out there?

Seriously though, if you read my review of Bulletproof Monk leave me a comment telling me what you thought, so I can get some sort of idea of what I need to improve on. Did you want to hear more about the plot? Did you think my assumptions were way off base? Did you see the movie and think it was a steaming pile? Feeeeedbaaaaack, people. Just click the little Comments? thingy down there and tell me what you thought.

Oh, in case you didn't notice, I got listed on Blogshares the other day, so now I can see my crummy stock plummet. Huzzah! Yvonne should be happy, though, I bought up like 70 shares of her stock last night. In case you haven't visited her site, do so, she has adorable kids who are looking for work...

You'll probably notice a few other links appearing over <----there on the sidebar. I visit a lot of other blogs, and these are the ones I usually visit daily. You should go enjoy them too. :)

-Mike

2003-04-16T17:29:00.000-04:00

Bulletproof Chow

Yes, I got to go see Bulletproof Monk today at one of the local theaters, even though they completely freaked me out last night because the movie wasn't even listed on their site (Muvico at Arundel Mills, MD). At any rate, I got to see it, and I'm pretty glad I did.

But first....incoming tangent!!!!

Can we please get a law passed that says that anyone who keeps their cell phone turned on (the ring tone anyway, keeping it on vibrate isn't so bad, I suppose) while inside the movie theater will be hung by the appendage of the audience's choice in front of the theater doors? You know, to deter the other dickheads who may have this same affliction? I have not been to a movie in the past 5 years in which my suspension of disbelief has not been ruined by the bastard behind me who has "Livin' La Vida Loca" as their ringtone. *shakes fist* Let's get this stopped. Are you with me, people?

The review.

I'll try to keep spoilers out of here, but I'm human (shut UP), so I may slip here or there...

Let's start off with the gist (or "plot" if you simply have to be anal). 60 years ago, Chow Yun-Fat, a Tibetan Monk, finishes his training (which, naturally, involves fighting with big sticks on a rickety rope bridge over certain death) and is charged with the job of protecting an ancient scroll which legend says will give humanity the power to change the world into a Paradise...or a living Hell. But, naturally, these Tibetan Monks watch CNN, so they know that the human race just isn't ready for such power as yet. Therefore, the former keeper of the scroll (Chow's Master) transfers this charge down to the student (Chow) and instantly ages 60 years.

Now how's that for a retirement plan? Jeezus.

You may have noticed that I do not give Chow's characters' name, or that of his Master. This is because the monks, once taking on the burden of protecting the scroll, must cast their name aside, and remain anonymous thereafter. Presumably, this sect has discovered the true method for avoiding SPAM...

The introduction of the former Master to his senility is cut short, however, when a bunch of Nazis (it's always Nazi's, isn't it?) led by Strucker (Karl Roden of Blade II fame (?)), gate-crash the party and give the monks outside the temple a bad case of lead poisoning. Bad form, says I, shooting at people without giving them a chance to change out of their bathrobes...

Strucker wants that scroll case, and wants it bad. Bad enough to utter cheesy lines like "You're good, but you aren't bulletproof." Chow shows remarkable restraint by not giving Strucker the finger as he (Chow) takes the Nestea plunge off a cliff and *poofs*, much to the evident displeasure of the cross Nazi.

Flash forward 60 years to the present, where enterprising young Kar (Sean William Scott) is happily robbing people blind as he strolls through the local subway system. That is, until an undercover cop makes him and he's forced to hoof it to evade capture. Cut to a shot of a very alive and, judging from the headline on the newspaper he's reading, very vain Monk, who, after being spotted by the most conspicous people possible, runs for all he's worth...into the subway. Aha! Two very different people running from trouble in the subway. We're on a collision course for wackiness!

As is required, they meet, they form a hasty alliance, they save a girl who is pushed onto the subway tracks (just in the nick of time, obviously), then go their separate ways.

Except Kar is a thief, and the Monk is now one scroll-case short of a complete Tibetan. Sonuva...

Now, without giving much away, I'll just say that they meet again several times, the Monk shows Kar his amazing abilities with a bowlful of Cocopuffs, and Kar shows the Monk that, in addition to being a fairly serviceable thief, he's also a thief with a heart of gold, so the Monk takes Kar under his wing and decides to train the precocious little bugger. Throw into the mix a 90-year Nazi still looking for the friggin scroll case (persistant bastards, aren't they?), a bad-girl type who also, coincidentally, has a heart of gold (and, apparently, a healthy knowledge of martial arts), and a bunch of goons (read: punching bags), and you've got the makings of a pretty good movie.

The acting. What can I say about the acting? Chow, as always, was brilliant. I know that English is not his first language. Hell, I'm not even sure it's his second language. But he delivers his lines better than most "American" actors I can mention. There are one or two points where his accent makes his dialogue a little hard to follow, but you quickly get the picture (especially when he punctuates his sentences by kicking an ammo clip out of the air and into the chest of a nearby goon). What surprised me most was how friggin' funny he is/can be. After seeing him in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, I found him to be a very serious performer, and one who commanded great respect. I still think this, but after seeing this movie I also think he's got more facets than I originally gave him credit for. He's not slapstick like Jackie Chan (and I'm a big fan of Jackie, btw), but rather it's his delivery that makes him so wonderfully hilarious in this particular flick. I would talk about his physical acting in this movie, but if you've seen Crouching Tiger, then you already know some of what you can expect from this one...and it's pretty much all good. There are moments that are VERY Matrix, but I felt they added to the fun rather than detracting.

And then there's Stifler (Seann). I think I can honestly say that he tried very hard in this one, and, for the most part, he succeeded. There are some parts where one could wish for a better facial expression than "constipated" (especially during the "sad" scenes), but the kid did well overall. A bit more practice, and he may well be able to put Dude, Where's My Car? behind him (unfortunately, after writing that I just saw that Seriously Dude, Where's My Car? is in production...*sigh*). His slapstick comedy style complemented Chow's more cerebral humor quite nicely, I thought. As far as the physical, the guy's in shape, and he obviously trained very hard to be able to do some of the things he does in this movie. He could have the makings of a good action movie star in him if he was so inclined to pursue it.

Karl (the 90-year old sour Kraut) is, well, angry pretty much through the whole movie, and the majority of his dialogue is wheezed through aging lips that are in dire need of Chapstick. Things pick up for him towards the end of the movie, but not so much that he'd steal the show from Chow and Seann. That's all I'm going to say at this point for fear of spoilers.

Jade, the "Bad Girl" (played by Jamie King), also seems somewhat angry (or maybe just horny?) throughout the entire movie, but most of the time she has good reason to be. She delivers her dialogue fairly well, although she never seems to be able to drop the "sultry" look and just be "human". You know when you were a kid and your mother told you if you kept making faces it would freeze that way? Well I don't know what she was doing as a kid, but I'll bet you can't put it in print. She's the requisite "sexy siren" in this one, and she plays the part well. Physical? Well, she kicks Kars ass a couple times, but all in the name of love, baby. All in the name of love. Seriously, though, for someone who came from the "fashion world", she holds her own in a movie that's nothing if not action. Look for her in the future.

The dialogue. Wow, did they ever give these poor actors some cheesy lines! I suppose it's necessary. I mean, every action movie needs its cheesy lines in order to be a true classic, right? I must say, though, that the cast pulled shot them off remarkably well, especially Chow. I think the reason Chow's lines seemed so spectacular is because you really don't expect it from him. The shock and surprise get you and before you know it you're laughing your fool head off. Seann is an accomplished humor whore. With movies like the above mentioned Dude (which did have its moments), and the American Pie series under his belt, he knows what it takes to take a line and wring every drop of humor out of it. He keeps it up here. Jamie does her best, but I don't think they wrote very many good lines for her, which is just as well, because the attitude her character has throughout the movie would probably clash too harshly with anything too light. As things are, I think they (the writers) could have done a little better, but it's far from a bad effort.

The action. What else can I say, but "Wow". To paraphrase Keanu Reeves: "They know kung-fu." Again, if you've seen Crouching Tiger then you're familiar with some of the Eastern action movie styles (fast-paced, incredible feats, flying). This movie is more of the same, but that is definitely NOT to say that if you've seen CTHD then you've seen all there is to see. The action in this movie is incredible. While it is true that your suspension of disbelief will be strained at some points, it is almost always fun. Relax, let go, let the fighting choreagraphy and artistry sweep you away. For the guys, there's the ever-popular "fighting with long metal pipes as if they were bo staffs" scenes. For the ladies, there's the "man and woman fight and end up on top of each other" side (don't worry guys, it's not that mushy). I simply can't say too much about the action without giving it all away...so maybe I'll just leave it at that.

The conclusion. Excellent movie. If you're a fan of the action genre, Chow Yun-Fat, CTHD or just watching people beat the holy hell out of each other, then this movie is for you. Choose your time carefully, however, because this movie is also a good choice for the younger crowd (very little "hard" swearing, no nudity, no actual "sex", though it's alluded to), and you don't want your movie-going experience ruined by a bunch of toddlers beating each other senseless in the aisle with the plastic swords their incompetent parents bought for them and allowed them to bring to the theater. Guys, you can feel safe bringing your ladies to this movie as they will most likely enjoy it with you. The only thing you should be wary of is that the'll develop crushes for Seann (who is, I have to say, fairly beefed up for the role) or Chow (how can anyone not like Asian people? I find all of them incredibly adorable...). The few downsides to the movie (Seann and Jamie still have a little way to go, the script could have been tweaked a tiny bit more) are easy to ignore when weighed next to the many strengths (good action, good humor, good GOD did he just "swim" in the air??). The final rating? I give it a 9 out of 10. Do yourselves a favor and see this movie.

-Mike

2003-04-15T21:04:00.000-04:00

Sumfin' From Nuffin'

So I've decided to actually do something here besides the introspective navel-gazing I've been force-feeding you lot lately. What I'll do is this: Every once in a while (hopefully never more than a week) I'll put up a nice review of some movie, game or "miscellaneous" that I've seen/played. Something in depth, meaningful, and hopefully something that will keep you from plonking your own money down on what ultimately amounts to crap.

Tomorrow I plan on seeing Bulletproof Monk, which stars Chow Yun-Fat of Wo hu cang long (that's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to youse guys), and the ever-goofy Stifler (Seann William Scott) who, you may recall, has a MILF. The combination of martial arts magic (if they can fly, what do they need horses for?) and stupid human tricks (à la Seann William Scott) should be interesting, to say the least. My early gut-feeling is that Chow Yun-Fat kicks so much ass regardless of what movie he's cast in that Seann can not possibly manage to ruin this one. Don't get me wrong, Seann was hilarious in the American Pie flicks, and had me chuckling copious times in Evolution, and he's not supposed to be all that serious in this one, but I can't honestly say that I can picture him as an "action star". It'll have to be one of those "see it to believe it" type deals.

Sooooo, yah. Details to come tomorrow. :)

In the meantime, here's a Quick Pick. If you have a relatively decent computer and you're looking for a good team-based shoot-em-up type game, you can't go wrong with Battlefield 1942. Check it out, and if you see me on, be gentle. :D

2003-04-14T21:38:00.000-04:00

Hmm...

Blogspot is telling me that my template, well, ISN'T. Which is odd, because it's still showing up. Unfortunately this means I can't add this cutie to the link bar over there, because I need access to my template in order to do it.

Bah!

Just click the link and see for yourself. She uses Lain on her front page, watches Cowboy Bebop, and listens to TMBG (if you have to ask, you wouldn't get it), so she HAS to be cool. Unfortunately she's spoken for, guys, sorry. We'll just have to keep visiting her site, reading her funny journal, and dreamin'. :)

2003-04-14T14:20:00.000-04:00

Today, apparently, is Pet Blogging Day, so here's a picture of my very first pet, Sparky:
Sparky
Sadly, she is no longer with us, but we do have 2 more dogs who keep us more than busy. When I can access my other computer to get their pictures I'll be sure to post 'em here.

Yes, that's me in the pic. Shut up.

My thanks to Gretchen for bringing this to my attention via her blog.

2003-04-13T23:03:00.000-04:00

Quick update: I put a little AIM screenname thingy over there on the left toolbar so you can get in touch with me (when I'm online, obviously) if you'd like to talk at me about something. Enjoy..or don't...as you see fit. :)

2003-04-13T19:19:00.000-04:00

Ever move your head and get a sharp, inexplicably hot pain in your neck that takes like 5 minutes to fade? Meanwhile you keep your head cocked at some odd angle and your face all scrunched up while you mumble some mantra composed of cursewords (everyone has one, whether you'll admit it or not) over and over again until it stops?

Yah.

Ever had that happen while you were speaking with someone "important"?

So, I was chatting amiably with the head of the hospital (where I work) today about the current state of our mess of a parking lot when he pointed off in the distance, I turned my head, and-

"Ouch, shit, dammit, shit, shit, shit, ow OW..."

My eyes were closed at this point, and then I remembered where I was and who exactly I was talking to, and thought to myself "oh bloody hell". I heard some noise I couldn't quite identify so I slowly opened one eye to see exactly how displeased he was with my litany of profanity.

He was laughing his ass off. He has one of those quiet laughs, the ones where it seems like the person is choking because hardly any sound at all is escaping but they are, quite visibly, turning red and shaking with mirth.

"You get one of those neck cramps?" he managed to ask between giggle fits.

"Yah," I admitted sheepishly. "Sorry."

By this time he was starting to get himself under control. "Don't worry about it. If it had happened to me I imagine I would have said worse."

*phew* Dodged that bullet.

We finished up our discussion and both went our separate ways back to work. He was still giggling (yes, giggling) about it as he left. Smug bastid.

It's still a bit sore, though. Any cutie ladies wanna come over and gimme a quick rub?

The NECK, people, the NECK.

2003-04-12T18:57:00.000-04:00

Just got back from work, and only one thing of note to report for now: Old people are getting surly.

Seriously, watch your backs.

I was driving home from work when I had the misfortune to get behind this really old lady (70 if she was a day) in a Chrysler. Driving a whopping FIVE miles per hour on a series of 30mph streets. Yuck. So I decide to be patient and hope that she takes a turn different from the one I take or that she finally finds out that the OTHER one is the gas, not the one she's standing on.

Well, 3 turns later she's still cruising along at 5mph...while weaving a little across the road (so I couldn't take a chance on passing her even if I dared) and NOT using her friggin' turn signal (because what are the cops going to do? Arrest her and throw her in jail for life? "You're under arrest." "I'm old." "Oh...oh yah, sorry. Carry on.") At this point I'm getting fairly upset, because all I wanted to do was get home, shower, eat and get rid of some frustrations by blogging a bit and then blowing the hell out of something in one of my games. So I decide to see if she's actually alive inside that tin crate by tapping my horn. Not leaning on it, mind you. Just a short little "Honk" much like a passing goose would emit.

Then I see her start to extend her withered, vericose vein-covered, liverspotted arm out the window, and assume she's going to wave me past her while she veered to the right, but what really happened is this:

That old bitch flipped me off!

The one-finger salute. The bird. The big ole' "fuck you very much". From someone my grandmother's age.

I think I actually said out loud: "What the hell?" I was torn between being even more perturbed or laughing so hard I soiled my carseat. Luckily I was saved at that moment when she turned down the next street and I was able to speed up and pass her, shaking my head ruefully. I could have SWORN I heard her cackle.

So here I sit. Bewildered. I couldn't have possibly seen that, could I? Was she really telling me I could go sit on it? Or did she just have a thing against geese?

All I know is, I'm not walking alone at night by any Old Folks Home's anytime soon. *shiver*

-Mike

2003-04-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

Doh!

Forgot that, as per Chris Pirillo's instructions, all Fridays are No Pants Fridays!! In conforming with this weekly event, jeans have come off (see disgusting webcam image to the right). We encourage all of you to join us in celebration as we "let our junk hang out" because it's Friday...Huzzah!

Oh, wait...I work this weekend. Damnit!

2003-04-11T12:43:00.000-04:00

I'm curious.

Was there anyone else who, while watching CNN (or other news network broadcasting) coverage of Coalition troops storming SoDamned Insane's palace, had the incredible urge to say "Have fun stormin' da castle!" (Princess Bride reference)

No? Just me? Yah, thought so.

Today I spent some time looking around, and with the help of the good folks over at Lockergnome I managed to find BlogOMania which looks rather promising. Once I learn more about the intricacies of HTML/CGI/PHP and all that jazz (or R&B if you'd rather), I might be turning to them for all of my blogging needs. Don't panic! (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference) I'll probably be here at this address for months still, and when and if I do make the switch I'll be sure to give anyone who might be keeping track of this blog plenty of notice before I pack up my insanity (or is that inanity?) and move on.

Until then...enjoy what you can from this place...and feel free to make fun of my pictures and my inability to format this suckah the way I want it. :D

-Mike

2003-04-10T20:50:00.000-04:00

To a couple of you e-mailed me about my cam: I'll show you mine if you show me yours first. :P What you think this is? Some charity? Bah!

Anyway...

Cam is off right now while I fool around with it (not THAT way, you perverts). I'm also going to be spending some time paying bills and doing mundane shit which doesn't exactly make good Bloggervision, so for now you get to stare at the KILLER RABBIT!

I really must question my judgement in getting that little fella awhile back. I think I hear it sharpening its incisors when it thinks I'm asleep.

Oh! Here's a good blog: Aged and Confused

Give it a read, but be warned that it's not for everyone. I enjoy it because that lovely lady is every bit as outgoing and intelligent as I wish I could be, therefore I live my life vicariously through hers. Huzzah!

And now for something completely different...bills. (and there was much rejoicing...."yay").

-Mike

2003-04-09T22:17:00.000-04:00

I'm pissed.

I just found out that Blogspot doesn't support CGI scripts or any of that schtuff, so I won't be able to use the Movable Type program I just downloaded and was really looking forward to. This means I'll probably never be able to get this sty into shape here. Bah!

I'll probably have to resort to switching to some other blog hosting site sometime...any suggestions?

Talk to me, people, it's getting lonely. *sniffle*

Oh yah, and for right now that cam refreshes once a minute...but you'll have to refresh the whole page in order to see the refreshed image. I haven't figured out how to put it in a separate window yet.

2003-04-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

Got it up...now I just need to learn enough HTML to position the cam a bit lower. *sigh*

You'll probabably notice a big red "EVALUATION" caption on the images from time to time. That's because I'm testing some software that I'll purchase if I end up liking it. So far it seems to work well enough.

And yes, that's a big ole' Mystery Science Theater 3000 poster on the wall behind me.

2003-04-09T15:31:00.000-04:00

Well I finally broke down and bought a web cam. It's an iBOT2 USB 2.0 cam, and I managed to successfully install it on my computer.

But now the rub: I've no idea how to get a stream up here on the web page. I'm also running on a shared connection (Linksys router) which I understand may pose some problems. *sigh* So much to learn.

If anyone can provide any help, don't hesitate to comment here or e-mail me. Meanwhile I'll do what I normally do: Muddle through until it works, it breaks, or I start banging my head against the keyboard in frustration. :D

2003-04-09T01:21:00.000-04:00

Blimey!

There are a ton of great blogs out there. I've just spent the past hour or so immersed in them, and boy am I jealous. :) Now we'll see how long it takes them to realize I've been nosing around their pages before they shoo me away from their section of the internet.

Can't wait until I get a webcam set up...that'll show 'em!

Show them what, exactly, I dunno. Depends on how nice they are to me. :P

Speaking of webcams, I'm in the market for one. Know of any good ones? Recommendations? Things to stay away from? Post your comments and let me know before I sink my money into one of these things.

And Yvonne, if you happen to be reading this, I think your husband should be PROUD of you. That goober who posted on your blog needs to be strung up by the short 'n curlies.

-Mike

2003-04-08T20:24:00.000-04:00

My brain hurts.

I've just spent the past 4 hours looking online for a job.

No, I haven't been fired or anything, I just want to get myself out of this hole before I get in too deep. Heck, I've already been here (the hospital) for 7 1/2 years...and it's not even a field I'm interested in!

So what do I want to do with my life? Good question. I used to think I knew, which is why I spent all that time getting a BS in Physics. Then I found out just how terrible the administration is behind education in this country. That pretty much killed any enthusiasm I had for teaching.

So lately I've been getting into graphics. 3D graphics, FLASH, tinkering with images, etc. etc. etc. Unfortunately it seems that most of the companies hiring graphics designers want them to use specific programs...and I just can't do that. If I'm going to create, I need to be free to choose the method for my madness.

Writing? You may not be able to tell from these rants I post up here, but I'm a fair hand at writing. Humor mostly.

No, really!

Unfortunately there's not many spots open for a humor columnist. Dave Barry pretty much has that area all sewn up, and I don't think he'll be vacating his throne anytime soon...he brought a magazine in with him. I could write novels, but frankly, that industry is BRUTAL to someone who doesn't have an inside line.

I'm also a heavy-duty gamer, which gives me the option of becoming a games tester...or does it? So far I've seen 5 openings for games beta testers...but each of those wanted at least 3 years experience beta testing. Catch-22 isn't just a band, ladies and gentlemen. *sigh*

What about acting? I think I could do rather well in that area. I have, after all, been acting like a well-adjusted member of society for over 25 years now. You have no idea how much skill it takes to keep my supervisors thinking I respect them. Egad, these people can't spell HAMBURGER for crying out loud! Do you know how hard it is not to laugh in your supervisor's face when they use words like "extrenuate" [sic] and "supervisalatory" [sic]?

The downside to acting is that first you have to be "discovered", and I don't have the time to sit around in "hip" Hollywood clubs waiting tables and flirting with aging female producers...*shudder*.

So what are my options? *sigh* I dunno, but if I spend another year in this hole I've a feeling I'm going to end up in a padded cell. Come to think of it, that sounds rather comfortable, doesn't it? Hmm...

I am the ape-man. I am the walrus. Coo-coo-ca-choo.

2003-04-07T22:12:00.000-04:00

I'm working on a logo to put on the right side of this page. So far it looks something like this:

If I did that right it should show up right there. If not, back to the drawing board.

Anyhoo, it's just a rough at the moment. I'm still trying to figure out some new software. Whee!

Enough "play" for one night, though. Time to go do something more productive...like watching CNN, eating junk, and sleeping.

Hopefully in that order.

-Mike

2003-04-07T13:40:00.000-04:00

I think I finally found a good site for learning some HTML basics.

I did a little bit of searching and found WebMonkey.com. I've already been through all of the basics tutorials and now it's just a matter of retaining the information I gleaned from that source. Tables will probably take me some time to learn, but aside from that I'm fairly sure I have all of the basics down. Maybe by tonight I'll have gotten the courage to start experimenting with them on this site.

Or not. I think this blog is rather unique in its simplicity. N'est ce pas?

Okay, it's crap. You win.

Anyway, one of these days I'll get a picture and bio up so those few of you visiting can get some information about the guy who's forcing you to read all of this. I figure it's the least I can do. :D

-Mike

2003-04-07T02:58:00.000-04:00

Day 5 -- A thought.

Yes, I had one. It's rare, but it happens.

So I was just listening to the Iraqi Minister of Information and I couldn't help but think...

How can one person survive for so long when they are so obviously full of shit? I mean, cushlamachree, he's giving an impromptu press conference on how the Americans aren't within several miles of Baghdad...meanwhile the US Troops just finished blowing up a statue of Saddam on a horse IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING CITY!

Christ, man. If there are still any people in that city who seriously believed in Saddam and his regime, then they have way more faith than I could ever hope to have. I mean, I live in the US right now, and I know that the US government spouts bullshit a lot of the time, but nothing can compare to this. This guy is 10 pounds of bullshit in a 5 pound bag. He should be renamed the Iraqi Sinister of Misinformation.

It takes a lot of balls to say there is no danger nearby...while having to SPEAK UP to be heard over the submachine gun and tank fire.

I know that pretty much everyone hates having politics in here, but really, this is something I had to rant on. Morale of the citizenship be damned...there has to come a time when you stop lying to them and tell them the truth if you gave a damn about them. Next thing you know it's going to end up like one of those Monty Python scenes...he'll get shot in the middle of the press conference and start shouting "I'm not dead! I'm feeling better! It's just a flesh woun-THUD!"

*pant pant pant*

Sorry folks, I try not to swear so much, but sometimes you just need to let go, y'know?

I think the Iraqi folks should do themselves a favor and get John Lovitz as the Pathological Liar to be their new Minister of Information. He's more believable.

Peace (please?)

-Mike

2003-04-06T21:12:00.000-04:00

Was doing a little surfing when I came across this:

8-bit D&D

Hilarious stuff, although I'm sure some of you have seen it before.

Talk at you later. :)

2003-04-06T17:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I managed to get the comments section up and running pretty much the way I want it, so now you all (all both of you) can feel free to tell me what you REALLY think. :D

The counter is up as well, although I'll have to do some more research to figure out how to get it positioned the way I want it. I think I'll save that for some other time. It'll give me a project for tomorrow, at least. :)

Comment away, folks. Time to break it in.

2003-04-06T16:13:00.000-04:00

Day 4 -- Gaming stress.

Well, I just spent the last 4-5 hours trying to burn my backup images (.bin) of Command and Conquer Generals to CD-R's...but it just isn't working correctly. When I try to install off those CD's I keep getting the same 1553 (or was it 1335?) error saying that it can't access a file. *shrug* I'll try again later when the urge to literally boot my computer subsides.

In other news, I'm going to try to implement a commenting system here shortly, so bear with me if things start looking rough.

Okay, rougher than usual. Fair enough?

Hey, Chris, if you're reading this, put some clothes on, k? I keep trying to turn the brightness down on my monitor but it's just no match. Us perma-white guys just weren't made for streaking.

Anyhoo, I'll write more when I finish tinkering.

-Mike

2003-04-05T20:28:00.000-05:00

Yah, yah, I know, I should have been studying HTML.

But the funniest thing just happened...er...6 hours ago.

I was looking around for some good HTML sites (sites that tell me some of the basic commands for HTML) when a picture over my computer fell and knocked a CD out of my case. The CD? Battlefield 1942: Road to Rome.

The rest, as they say, is mythology. Or was it geometry? Theology? Bah...

SO, yah. Spent the past 5-6 hours in some heavy "negotiating" online. The good news is that now I can fly ANY type of aircraft without crashing immediately. It may not be progress as far as this blog is concerned, but it's progress, at least.

Pirillo's walking around semi-nekked in front of his web cams. I think I'm glad I missed most of that, although it could get interesting if a few of his fellow bloggers came to join him. I won't hold my breath, though. Why? Well, because! Who came up with that, anyway? "Do what I want or I'll hold my breath." Good grief, it sounds like something Bush would say...any of them!

Anyhoo, I don't think this thing is getting any viewers, so it's time to go pimp it around the web (feel free to do so yourself :D).

-Mike

2003-04-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

Day 3 -- What?

Wow.

I've just been surfing though a few blogs (mostly linked by gretchen.pirillo.com) and BOY is mine pathetic by comparison! :D I guess this just provides more motivation for me to figure out how to turn this into something someone would actually want to read.

What, my witty sense of humor isn't enough for you jackals? Bah!

If there IS anyone reading this, and you've got some knowledge on how to work these blog thingies, shoot me an e-mail at mwright@loyola.edu so that maybe I can start trying to figure this stuff out. I'll try not to delete your message thinking it's spam. Promise.

In the meantime, yes, I KNOW the look of the blog right now, quite frankly, sucks. But hey, it was just a spur of the moment pick I made while trying to set this thing up.

Things I need to learn:

How to get my e-mail in a link here so it's easier for you guys to message me.

How to set it up so you can simply reply to my messages here instead of going through "the trouble" of e-mailing me. Admit it, you're just as lazy as I am. Tsk tsk.

More basic HTML.

How to recognize different types of trees from quite a long way away.

If anyone's reading this...HALP! I'm cold and there are wolves chasing me.

-Mike

2003-04-04T20:51:00.000-05:00

Day 2 - The Saga Continues.

Howdy!

I remembered that I worked today when I woke up. That was about the high point of the day.

There's a leak in the ceiling at work...right over my work area. Huzzah! And our maintenance guys don't know a wrench from a spanner...

Oh...yah.

But that's all over with for now, so it's time to delve back into this whole "blog" thing and try to figure out a few more things. I THINK I've figured out how to change the colors (never thought I'd use Hex again...silly me). Now I think I need to find a good web page full of HTML commands I can study. Then I'll be virtually on my way.

Virtually.

If anyone has any suggestions on what web pages might help me figure out HTML, send them to me at the e-mail address I listed in yesterdays' blog. I'm pretty much a beginner, but I pick up things fast, so don't be afraid to send me things that are a bit tech-heavy. I'll muddle through. :D

Ah well, back to CNN and TechTV. I still miss Chris. :/ I hope Tech TV isn't going down the tubes...our cable company just recently picked the station up and I've been hooked ever since (except for my daily doses of Cartoon Network and Comedy Central).

Back later if I have any progress to report. :D

-Mike

2003-04-04T00:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I've just spent the past couple of hours figuring out how to make my page viewable...and rearranging some of the things that were placed in rather silly positions by the template I chose for this thing. All in all not bad for a guy that doesn't really know all that much about HTML, I suppose.

Ah well, time to get to bed, since tomorrow I really DO work. *sigh*.

Good luck, Chris!

-Mike

Oh yah, you guys can e-mail me at miwright@loyola.edu. Tomorrow I'll figure out how to put that on here in a link somewhere. It probably involves quantum. :/

2003-04-03T23:13:00.000-05:00

Day 1 -- I wake up this morning, which is a good sign, and flail and shout because naturally I'm late for work. I think I was changed into my work clothes and halfway through a bowl of Lucky Charms before my brain informed me that I was off today. Smug bastard. I don't even bother changing out of my work clothes as I curl back up in bed.

I wake up again an hour or two later, get up, turn on my computer (to continue some uploads/downloads), then turn on the TV to see how long I can avoid changing the channel to the CNN war coverage. My personal best is 12 minutes, 24 seconds...a record I didn't break today.

Over the course of the next few hours I basically switch back and forth from CNN and Tech TV (yes, I'm a geek) while I do some "work" on the computer. Then 3pm EST rolls around and my brain, which as you'll recall was very cruel to me earlier, decides to be kind and reminds me that Call For Help is coming on. So I change the channel BACK to TechTV, and fling the remote control to the furthest corner of the room; far enough, at least to prevent me from getting up enough motivation to actually GET UP and get it, walking past the TV, to change the channel.

I'm not lazy, I'm just efficient...or inefficient, as the situation dictates.

So there I am, clacking away on the keyboard and watching Call For Help, and I notice that Leo Laporte is hosting instead of Chris, which is odd because I didn't remember reading/hearing anything about Leo guest-hosting today. Don't get me wrong, Leo's not bad. He's great on The Screensavers, for example...

Yes, I'm single. Okay?

But anyway, I pretty much brushed it off as a last-minute illness/vacation/emergency/whatever, and go on to enjoy the show while continuing my "work". An hour later, the show ends, and I get up to retrieve the remote control and change it back to CNN on my way past the TV. I think it was maybe 10 minutes later before it sunk in that Leo had said at the end how good it is to be back on CFH and how much he's glad to be hosting once again.

Huh?

Instantly I save my work (old reflexes die hard), open up a browser, and check the messageboards at techtv.com/callforhelp. Good, it seems I wasn't the only one caught off guard. Unfortunately, apart from the people engaged in an all-out Leo vs. Chris war there's nothing useful posted. Just the same handful of people posting about Cat's breasts...

Okay, so maybe I've THOUGHT about the latter subject a few times, but I'd never go so low as to write about it *cough*.

Time for me to do more snooping. Chris.pirillo.com isn't much help. Chris verifies there that he is no longer working for Tech TV, but doesn't provide details. Leoville.com just tells me what I already knew: Leo wishes Chris luck and is happy to be back at CFH. Good for him...he's decent enough, but wtf happened to Chris? Gretchen.pirillo.com (proof-positive that there is hope for male geeks everywhere) fills in a little bit of detail, but everything is still hazy...and probably for good reason.

What does that have to do with this blog, some of you might ask?

Well, ever since I started watching Chris' antics on CFH, I've been fascinated about this "blogging" he always spoke about. But I was always too, er, "efficient" to start one up. Therefore, this blog is a tribute to Chris Pirillo. You got me started on it, you bugger, now you better help me through it.

It isn't much now, as you can see, but I know practically all there is to know about Monty Python, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Fawlty Towers, Terry Pratchett, Cowboy Bebop and other obscure people, places and things. More than enough to ensure that I'll be alienated from the rest of "society" for years and years to come. :D Hopefully, given time and, just maybe, a little guidance from Chris Pirillo (who, I understand is now even more engaged with his lockergnome.com enterprise), I can turn this blog into something you all would actually WANT to read. A little slice o' life from the viewpoint of yet another geek with very few social skills. Huzzah!

Chris, if you're reading this, I miss ya already, bud. Now use 15 minutes of what spare time you have to initiate me. I haven't a clue what I'm doing here.

-Mike